Duty Session 576: The Doodie

The adventurers begin their quest at the Hunter's Guild information desk, where they have received the quest note and are given the lowdown on the quest in one go. The Receptionist is a Cait Sith who, upon the insistence of other adventurers, begrudgingly talks in cat speak while on duty, "The problem was first nyaoticed around myihdnight on the last day of the festival. Rats began coming up while people were uhh nya-yuck! Using the facilities. Your quest today is merely to find the clawse of the issue. If you can solve the problem, that would be better, though... nya. While you're down there, be sure to get a water sample."

The Receptionist hesitates, "This bill was posted once before, and the problem has successfully lessened, but it recently went back on the upswing. Perhaps try a different path than last time?" She pauses, then continues, "Nya."

DosBox nods with excitement, "Sure! Definitely! We'll be super thorough, right, team?" He looks to those with him with fervor.

Goldenblade has been working in the smithy a lot lately, and it shows, from her unkempt hair and soot-smudged face, and the reek of sweat. Some one remarked about the smell, and so she signed up for a sewer mission at the guild. Because no one will care down there. She is showing the Unwashed debuff, a consequence of so many strange moods players get into despite claiming not to be subject to such moods. She might admit to be concentrating or distracted, but skipping meals and not paying attention to the world is purely a normal reaction to the situation and in no way supernatural! Which is why she looks spaced-out as everyone else prepares for the mission. "Kill rats," she confirms simply. She's gone on rat hunts before. The architecture was impressive.

Haru needed an excuse to look at what is going on in the Alne's sewers. The topic, objectie, and location are all less appealing to him. "Kill ten rats," he tells Goldenblade, "like the rat maze." And already he is casting an enchantment on himself for the impending stank.

Kauchemar rests her staff against her shoulder. "Not the first time rats have become a problem." It's.. actually a pretty common one. There's been several Duties surrounding them by now. Lots of weird variations. "Let's just hope this quest doesn't turn into a complete shi--" Pause. "--Mmm, don't think that word play is safe for general audiences."

Dosbox responds to Kauchemar, "I forget. Did the profanity filter get disabled? I don't remember..."

With bill in hand and with the nearest sewer entrance within a stone's throw from the headquarters, the adventurers can only guess at what could be down there that is crappier to be around than the Alne Sewers.

The first sewer region features smooth rock, and confusing winding paths that make it difficult to track where one is going. There is no lighting, which requires people to bring lights. There's the occasional slime, rat, and spider monster infestation here in various areas. Whatever is causing the backup down here, however, must be larger than those typical vermin usually found scurrying around the sewers.

When the adventurers come across their first waterflow, one of the secondary objectives comes to mind: Get a water sample. Those proficient with alchemy and pharmacy are familiar with procuring uncontaminated samples, as are those who are just familiar with Water in general, though to a lesser degree.

Haru falls into the category of: An Alchemist. He is not full metal, but he does have an Atelier. Missing a cast of colorful characters to round out that trope. He heads over to the current of water and squats down. A finger rolls over his silvery rimmed monocle. It lights up, assessing the water. "Water is tainted," he notes, not getting his hands dirty in the collection. No, he has a water sprite for that and vials. They water-bend in a snake-like dance into six collection vials that are promptly corked off.

Goldenblade enters the sewer with the others and looks around. She dunks her hand in the water and scoops up a sample of it, pouring it into her inventory, where it sloshes around in a slot and slowly leaks into the other compartments. Her hand is now dirtier rather than clearner, but given her recent work, it's hard to say precisely how much dirtier.

Kauchemar just holds out one hand while drawing on her innate familiarity with the element, pulling some of the water free and making a self-contained bubble of sort out of it. "It's better to just not think too much about it," Kauchemar replies to Dosbox after the water samples have been collected. She just likes to act like she has some meta contexual aspect even though she's no more aware of anything than anyone else in this world. It's part of the performance when a little levity is required.

Everyone (including Dossy-kins) gathers a water sample from a different spot using their own methods; this should be useful for later analysis. That being said, some are capable of analysing the solution right away (like Haru). Even preliminary evidence hints that the issue is somewhat slime related, but in order to truly understand the predicament, the party must descend deeper into the doodie.

Continuing along the side of the waterflow, the adventurers travel deeper into the sewer. The pungent stench of doo doo eminates from the wet dungeon walls. The darkness permeates entirely save for whatever light the adventurers brought with them. The ground is slick with mildew and other substances. And there are definite signs of vermin residing down here.

Speaking of vermin, a horde of rats is barelling down the pathway in mid-flight response! They seem crazed with fear as they scurry in the party's direction, more specifically away from whatever it is they are fleeing from. They even knock one or two of their kin into the river off to the side. The party could try calming the vermin down, or engage in rat squashing (rumored to be a popular activity in certain Lander cultures!)

Haru made it very clear what he was going to do with rats. He was going to kill them. Ten of them. The Artificer looks at the skittering horde and says, "Number greater than ten." He begins to tag the tiny disease carriers wth his monocle. A hand extends outwards, "Terra. Magna. Fortis. Trabem. Conuenerunt. Tenebris. . . Annihilatio!"

A beam of concentrated arcane energy is released, splintering out into threads to seek out and leave no trade of the little squeakers behind. "That takes care of my Adventurer quota for a while." CPEs for Adventuring in Rat Kill Points.

"Oh look, we found the rats already. Or the rats found us. Either way." Kauchemar handles this in her usual style. By taking the matter up to cat-aclysmic porpotions and summoning a sabertoothed Dire Felin, essentially a natural predator to the rodents, to turn loose on the vermin horde. Maybe a bigger monster than needed... but it's a -lot- of rats to make up the difference of in devouring.

Goldenblade hrms as we continue through the sewers, and the stink grows worse. But she can't help it. She's worked outdoors all her life. But there are rats, too. Well, rats are a problem she can handle, and her two blades slide out, stabbing rats to death with each thrust. Nyanta will be pleased to see her using a technique he taught her, using her blades purely as thrusting weapons rather than slashing to skewer individual rats.

Dosbox swoons, as always, when he sees Haru use that magitek beam. As a solo RPG playing Japanese male in the time of Final Fantasy games, DosBox was a huge fan the Final Fantasy series, "Thank you, Haru, once again, for that beautiful display..." The Rock Gnome tries his best to imitate Haru, but can only throw out a few, "Fire 1!"'s and "Ice 2!"'s.

After the confusion of the swarm, the party has gotten themselves turned around. The area they are in now seems to be a large open cave featuring jagged rocks everywhere. These would no doubt hurt if the party haphazardously crashed into them. The party's light, which has been sufficient until now is lacking in terms of pathfinding. To get a lay of the land (such as it is), the party will have to improve their illumination. In order to get their bearings straight, they will need to check their tracks and see where they have been. With the ankle deep sewer water, tracking the way back may be difficult. Perhaps as important as knowing where they have been is knowing where they are going. Someone experienced at Searching may reveal a clue as to where to go next.

Haru is not an experiened search-er. He is a crafter. The darkness does not bother him at all. As such he throws up his menu and takes the time to go over the water contents and relation to where they are under Alne. Which is: Somewhere. Aproximately somewhere.

Light... is far from being anything in Kauchemar's typical foray. But she knows darkness very well. And in some weird turn of events that seems to be enough, the weird psychedelic glow of her eyes flaring enough to at least illuminate her own vision. Sometimes being part monster pays off in weird, unexpected ways. "Okay. Serious question. Why is it every time there's sewers built in this world, they're built into caverns some how?" She looks to Goldenblade, who is the resident Construction expert. "Is this even practical? Or OSHA compliant?" Wait, there is no OSHA yet. Point made, regardless.

"You are overlooking sloth," Haru tells Kau, "if you use what you already have, you dont have to do the work of mining it out and letting the problems later be other people's problems. Like ours."

Goldenblade is turned around and has no idea where she is, so she goes back to her old standby plan of following the group leader. This is not helpful, in and of itself, but she will eventually get where she needs to be. When Kauchemar asks her a question, though, she says, "Japanese OSHA is not as hardcore as in America. There is a lot more pressure on inspectors to not 'embarass' a company by failing them, so things get corrected under the table, though not always in a timely manner. If you really want if fixed, you either need to make a financial case to management or fix it yourself."

DosBox, who has been here before, wants to go the pathway that he DIDN'T go last time, but he didn't remember which path he was supposed to take. Er... WASN'T supposed to take. So he purposefully gets himself turned around, and then he picks the path he WOULDN'T have picked if he were making the decision. Unfortunately, DosBox failed to fail, which means he succeeded erroneously. Regardless, the party was able to advance forward. Furthermore, one of the party members is a Grand Master at 'I Spy', as they discovered one of the jagged rocks was, in fact, a lever to open a nearby secret door! This would be Fortuitous if it wasn't the path that Dossy had taken last time! "Nuts."

Like any properly hidden room, however, it is BOOBY TRAPPED!!! More specifically, it is doodie trapped, as those arrows look like the tips are covered in something you don't want going inside you.

Someone who knows what they are doing could easily snip the trigger wire before the secret door fully opens. Barring that, the adventures could either dodge the arrows, deflect them, or contract Sepsis.

Haru walks into the trapped room with his menu still open and looking at the alchemical read outs of the water. Also a rat, or what is left of the rat, after the Magitek beam. He keeps stepping forward and does not see the trap wire as he wals over it. An arrow ker-twangs into his arm. He turns and looks at it. "Rude," as he pulls it out. Correction, attempts to pull it out as he has noodle arms. Fine, its a decoration now. "At least I didnt take an arrow to the," and another one hits his knee, "<censored>."

Oh, arrow boobie traps. Or is it doodie traps? Kauchemar has lost track of which connotation is more suitable by this point.

However the matter is easy to deal with, as a flamboyant wave summons her stalwart Binder Shield in front of her. It's a shield, and it's animated by a Spirit monster. It's not going to get sick, or poisoned, or whatever. It does manage to express annoyance when it realizes what the arrows are tipped in, it's gemstone 'eye' reflecting in a way that simulates a glare, but Kauchemar quickly soothes the monster by promising it a proper buff and polish later.

Goldenblade is a bit too distracted to dodge the slings and arrows and traps of outrageous fortune. On the other hand, she's a highly-skilled armorer, and her mail is in top condition, so none of the poisoned darts or spears penetrate the Fire-tempered links, leaving a Goldenblade-shaped outline on the far wall, clear of arrows and darts.

Dosbox does some neat acrobatics, dodging the poopie arrows with panache and grace. "Oh. Right. There's a trap here. Be careful."

Beyond the hidden cave wall/door is a sight most unexpected in the middle of a sewer: A wizard's study! The room is wall-to-wall bookshelves, and each shelf is filled to capacity with books! In the very middle of the room is a desk made of some luxurious wood. Sitting in a sturdy chair behindthe desk is where one would normally assume the owner of this hidden sactuary of knowledge to be.

That being said, this creature is anything but normal. If you were to picture taking a six-foot tall form of chocolate pudding, putting it in an expensive office chair, dressing it up in a decaying, red wizard robe and hat, and then, using a blob fish for its head like a giant Oobleck Snowman, you could, maybe, get a general idea of what this man looks like.

When he senses the party enter, he turns with a start and speaks in a strangled, raspy voice, "H-h-hey! Y-you're fleshy! F-fleshy can-not-not-not be t-trusted! E-eschew the f-flesh! M-massacre the f-flesh!"

He does look like he's ready to throw down; not only is he a powerful magus, but his body is acidic and shock absorbing. Further, physical attacks seems to have no effect, as slashing or stabbing wounds vanish almost instantly!

Regardless, he does seem to personable, so he could probably be distracted with some soothing words. One could also destabilize his gooey form with some alchemy. He seems slightly more susceptible to fire than other magic, as he has been, apparently, eating some flammable materials as a means of gaining sustenance. If necessary, any other magic would work, just not as easily.

"Alternative: Flesh stays where it is," Haru says as he pushes up his monocle. He draws out a series of feathers and throws them like darts into the area, "Ignis. Pluma. Ambiente. Ardeat. Nos." They fly around like burning arrows to fry the enemy and with each strike they heal Haru enough for those arrows to fall out. Adventurer status: Restored.

Goldenblade looks at the slime wizard skeptically, and before he even finishes monologuing, there is fire. Given that this is Goldenblade, there is a ludicrous amount of fire. This is one of those 'this may consume all the oxygen in the room' blazes, because the guy was annoying her a lot, and fire, as the gamers she's run with know by now, is a thing with her. She may be distracted, but she's also single minded, and fire burns the guy, his books and notes, his room, and pretty much everything in here, and she's quite happy to stand in the middle laughing, "I'll bet OSHA never saw /this/ coming. Ahahahahaha."

Negotiation may of been an option, but it's not a very good option when everyone else in the party starts setting things on fire. Kauchemar would rather join in the fun part. That, and ooze being squishy and resiliant doesn't necessarily make it stronger than her other method of dealing with things. The Nightmare Bard grips her staff in both hands, and points it at the Secret Of the Ooze before them. "Excuse me while I drop some bass!" The skull atop Grindcore Staff opens its jaw wide, emitting a dazziling display of colorful illusionary flashes, and more importantly a deep reverbrant WUB WUB WUB WUB that batters the boss with the soundwaves. Which make things vibrate. And slime vibrates pretty easy, making the resonance pretty effective.

DosBox uses his new favorite spell that he just picked up from Shenmi during a training session. His favorite thing to do with it is to pretend he's Piccolo from DBZ, and shout,

"SPECIAL BEAM CANNON!!!"

...Which he does right now, launching a beam of burning energy through the slime lord.

The adventurers have managed to destabilize the Oozemancer with A LOT of fire played to a really freaking metal riff:enough where he has decided to flee through a grate in the floor, making an unpleasant schlorping sound as he makes his escape. He shouts behind him as he makes himself scarce, "I sh-shall h-have my REVENGE, F-FLESHLINGS!!!!"

A cursory glance is enough to find out what he was doing here. All about his desks are the plans for his conquest and eradication of anything that is made of flesh by means of raising an army of oozes from the sewers of Alne. While he was not slain, the Oozemancer's plot has been foiled. At least for a while, the people of Alne may rest, and smell, easy.

Haru takes a moment to take the plans for ooze domination that are written down. Thats is concerning. Ravings of a madman motivated by some fleshy hatred. New lunatic every week. "Been a pleasure, GB. Kau," he says before heading out to cash out to the guild and work on reporting his findings to the necessary parties.

Goldenblade grunts as the slime-o-mancer sinks down through the grating in the floor. That may be a hallway to him, but it's a barrier for Goldenblade. It's not a barrier to the jet of fire she sends down it to make sure the fellow's good and gone and not coming back. "He's made of slime, how does he read? Does he leave all the books gross? My kids did that when they were two, mind you..." And Fire will make sure there's nothing for him to come back to. She nods to Haru, "Take it easy."

Kauchemar rests her staff back against her shoulder. And makes a dismissive wave with the other hand. "It's official, sewers are one of the weirdest places full of bizarreness in this world. And full of lunatics as often as monsters, apparently." A soft snort, a shrug, and she shifts her footing to depart. "It's been crazy, guys, see you around."

Dosbox looks to GB with a flat look. "What books?" There are no longer any books, in fact. Just Ash everywhere. "Someone got REALLY happy with the fire." Luckily, the journal, which is the evidence for this quest, is a Key Item, so it was not burned away by GBs rampage. Dossy grabs the book and says, "Let's go. I'll check the other path next time."