Duty Session 590: Grunty Drive

A porcelain quest has been offered to the Hunters Guild. A small consortium of Lander ranchers would like adventurers to drive their Grunties to market. The party will have to cover a fair distance, involving camping outdoors, warding off predators, and negotiating the sale of the grunties at the end destination. The request requires the delivery of the majority of the herd to the market town and their successful sale.

The villagers have gathered the grunties they want taken to market in a large open field outside of town. The area is covered by grunting grunties, cropping grass, wandering aimlessly, and making a mess. Young Landers have been given the task of preventing any grunties from wandering off, but once underway, it will be one of the adventurers' tasks to keep the herd together.

There are perhaps 2,000 grunties in this herd, and nearly all of them must make it to market in order for the adventurers to make a profit. Still, Boriwyk "DosBox" Rockborer is confident that they can handle this run easy. His recent duel with Arashi really did a lot to boost his confidence (even though she wiped the floor with him), and he is relatively certain that this will be a cake walk.

"Alright, Grunties! Listen up! We're going from Point A to Point B! No Lollygagging!" DosBox snaps his fingers at the Grunties like a Karen at an Applebee's.

    Having never been to an Applebees, this motion is lost on Lauren. The imp, fastidiously attired for the work ahead, watches the fingersnap, shifts her gaze to Dosbox when it seems finished, and then says, "So I'm here to help you. Thanks for putting out the call?" She glances around at anyone else who may be finger-snapped upon. "A pity, I just caught a direwolf. He would make for a good companion at this juncture."

Schneider has signed up for the quest because it came from someone in his alliance, but apart from that, he's pretty clueless. "Uh, okay?" he calls when he gets to what is, technically a one-horse town. There's plenty of pekos, of course, and a zillion grunties, all grunting. "I'm not shovelling anything," he annouces aloud, but then offers, "I guess I can help out otherwise."

Dosbox frowns. "I think maybe the wolf would eat a grunty or two, and we have to get ALL of them to market if we are going to succeed this quest. Probably for the best that it stayed at home."

DosBox looks to Schneider, "Oh! Hey! I used that move you taught me in the tournament! It really helped out a lot!"

Lauren gives a thumbs-up. "Right on, cowboy. So, did they at least give us horses?" She asks. "I'm ready, either way."

Schneider gives Dosbox a thumbs-up for using his move, "Hope it worked better for you than it did for me." To Lauren, he says, "Only if you brought one with you. Horses are super rare, though, pekos are more useful and more common."

    It goes without saying that the Maid is not going to get the respect she deserves from grunties, who flatly and utterly reject Lauren.

Dosbox nods, "Also, Pekos are cuter than horses. Horses bite. And cut at you with with swords..." DosBox sweats a little. Perhaps he has trauma from the battle with Arashi, the WereFang Horse, still...

The first thing that must be done is the herd must be roused and convinced to move, and in the correct direction. This is more easily said than done. Grunties are sometimes uncooperative or contrary, and sometimes wander off when no one is looking. One imagines a larger party of Landers would be needed to control and direct a herd of this size over any distance, but as adventurers, you do what must be done.

This is a pretty normal task for an animal handler, and most farmers can do it with a bit of effort. There's always a few grunties that wander away from the herd, though, and they need to be found and brought back to the main group.

Schneider is, alas, not an animal handler, and at the command to get the grunties moving, will shout out, "Grunties, hoooo!" The result is nothing. He will try shoving a couple of them, and kicking one or two, and one swats his face with its tail, and the other doesn't even react. He frowns. "This could go better," he says, and then casts a Lightning Strike almost at his feet. A couple grunties look his way, but other than that, no reaction, either.

Dosbox tries his best to get the grunties moving with his snapping, but they seem to be ignoring him. Dossy demands to speak with their manager.... The lander farmer sighs heavily and convinces the herd to move forward, but he looks worried about the success of the mission if the adventurers can't even START the Grunties moving without his help...

After a bit of travel, the party can hear the howls off in the distance. The grunties are nervous, but stupid, and keep moving regardless. A bit later, the alert party can see a fairly substantial pack of wolves lope closer, though still a fair distance out, covering the ground in a furry swarm, hoping to add some grunty to their own diet. The party must protect the grunties, who seem to have no instinct for self-preservation. Of course that's beneficial in that there's no stampede. But for each grunty lost, that's gold the party won't be earning.

The wolves can be fought off normally, but a savvy hunter may be able to lay some traps before they get close.

Lauren has found her place leading ahead, or what counts for ahead: running between several different groups until they move again as one, over and over. Until it occurs to the Artificer that there are, in fact, other ways.
    There are thorns, which sprout like daggers from her fingers as Lauren waves a swath of territory out of bounds, closing but directing the sheep with a funnel as wolves make this none the easier.

Schneider can at least fight off encroaching wolves without too much trouble. Seeing wolves in the distance, far enough to target without getting grunties in the AOE, Schneider drops off a couple catastrophic explosions, as he casts, "Fiery Power Blast of the Damned!" Then he does it a few more times, it's a fast-casting low-mana spell, and he drops the bomb, so to speak, and then there is nothing but steaks and chops for drops.

Dosbox isn't worried about a group of wolves that are so blatantly move in a tightly knit pack with no stealth. Even less not that Lauren has tied them all to the ground with thorny vines in a tightly knit group. Schneider shoots the metaphorical fish in a barrel with several Area of Effect Attacks, and DosBox pierces the skulls of any stragglers with gems that pop out of the ground right underneath them.

The party has driven off the wolves, but a few of the grunties got spooked and have wandered off. The initial inclination may be to write them off, but each grunty brought to market is a bit more cash, and of course grunty burgers at the end of the trail. So, the party is obligated to gather in as many of the strays as they can find before proceeding onward. Recapturing the grunties and returning them to the herd is pretty straightforward, and is not unlike captuing monsters. A tracker may be able to find grunties that have wandered farther afield.

Lauren tries the same trick twice, but with much less success: the grunties are not having with the thorns. "Oh, for the love of," She begins, before hurriedly resorting to failure minimization a la running.

Schneider is no more successful now at rounding up the lost grunties than he was at getting them moving earlier, and he sighs and looks aroud, but they are hard scattered and we could spend days rounding them back up. "So do we go forward with the remaining, or take a week or five to round them up?" he asks.

Dosbox calls out. "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE Grunty Grunty Grunty Grunty!" He does... Not the best job, as he gets lost, and the party actually has to go and find HIM. Talk about embarrasing!

The party realizes that is too much distance to cover in one day. Grunties like these are not fast, and need considerable rest. So, the party must set up camp, get some food and rest for themselves, and maybe a song or two to lighten everyone's spirits and keep them positive.

Cooking is of course critical, and construction will allow the building of restful sleeping arrangements. A song or two will help settle everyone's mind, keep the party focused, and allow them a good night's sleep. Missing any one of these things will make the next day rough.

Lauren will cook, that much is clear. The maid does suceeed in making something palatable, even if circumstances are awful.

Schneider's attempt at a rousing campfire song inspired by watching his dad, who had a VHS tape of The Blues Brothers, and his memories of Rawhide. Unfortunately, it seems he doesn't recall the actual words to Rawhide, and is stuck with 'Da-dum da-dum da-dummmmm, Rawhiiiide!' This would be better if he remembered the tune, which it seems he does not also.

Dosbox tries to get the fire started for Lauren, but absolutely fails at it. He spends far too long finding the wood, and it is all wet. When he gets there, he sets it up wrong, and he can't even get the wood to catch. She eventually starts the fire herself, in spite of Dossy's meddling. "I'll... Go watch the Grunties..." Meanwhile, several more Grunties have wandered off...

The next day dawns bright and the grunties got a good night's sleep, even if the party did not. Driving them to the market town is straightforward, and a fenced-in stockyard is available for the grunties to be herded into. The head Lander comes out to haggle with the party over the amount of money he's willing to pay for so many grunties. After all, they're so skinny, and a few were bitten by wolves. There's the mileage and demurrage, of course, and so many other details.

A shrewd negotiator will of course cut to the chase to win the best price, and someone with Mercantile knowledge will understand the vagaries of the trade system. Someone skilled at Appraisal would be able to counter the buyer's appraisal of the grunties.

Lauren is not, it would seem, very adept at mercantile endeavors, gaining nearly as much respect from merchant as she does from grunties.

Schneider finally staggles into town with the remains of the herd. He's had a rough night, a hard morning, and he looks like garbage, which is very unusual for the wizard, who usually looks exactly how he wants to look. That's the perks of being a wizard, of course, but Schneider is tired and sore, and not having any flak from some Lander who didn't just hike however many KM with a bunch of stinky grunties to get complained at by some dork in an office.

He chants, "Zarzardo Zarzardo Bakemono! Rono sook! Burning in the deoths of darkness, fires of hell! Become my sword and strike down my enemy!" There is a dangerous pause as eeries energies build up, and he shouts, "VENOM!" One of the grunties outside is sucked up into a vortex of dark energy and explodes into a bloody spray which covers everyone even remotely closeby. The other grunties ignore it, but the Lander facing Schneider looks veeeeeery nervous, and says, very carefully, "So, we'll go with the originally negotiated price per head, that shouldn't be a problem."

Dosbox sighs as he says to himself, within earshot of the merchant, "Jeez. These grunties look pretty worse for wear. I wouldn't buy these things if I were that merchant, I tell you H'what..." That... Really screws up Schneider's negotiating position at first, but the exploding Grunty thing metaphorically irons out any wrinkles that may have been there... All and all, they just managed to break even with the herd that didn't run off....

The party is exhausted. In dealing with the trials and tribulations of the Grunty drive, they have failed to bring enough grunties to market to turn a profit. The party can only reflect on how they can better prepare for their own attempt at doing this again.

"I learned something today," DosBox says, looking slightly defeated, "If you are going to make some jewelry, bring a goldsmith. If you are going to herd some grunties, bring a dire wolf."

Schneider nods to Dosbox, and he says, "This ranching stuff really needs to be done by ranchers. Or more than a pickup party. I can blow stuff up fine, but herding grunties, that's work for grunty herders."

Lauren looks deeply disheartened, having failed spectacularly at this task. "I mean... I would say there's dignity, but..." She gestures to whatever remains of the lunch meat on legs.

Dosbox sighs with frustration. "I will come back one day... But next time, I will succeed. Next time... I will be prepared..." That one song from the Lion King plays in the background as the party heads out toward the sunset...