An End and a Beginning

Uta would receive a simple, concise letter, properly labeled as FROM DosBox and TO Uta, delivered by a pidgeon. The letter reads

"Dear Uta,
I hope this letter finds you well. I have discovered myself in the need to speak to you about a specific matter, so I felt that arranging for a meeting to discuss this topic was necessary. I shall be waiting at the flowering tree in the park at Eas's north east side. It would mean a lot to me if you can meet me there.

With all Consideration,
Borywick 'DosBox' Rockborer"

The weather at the appointed time is, perhaps, a little chilly for this time of year. The partly cloudy weather allows the sun to shine or not on its whimsy, and the Rock Gnome present believes that fact to be a somewhat fitting state for the world to be in.

Boriwyk "DosBox" Rockborer is sitting on a bench next to a large flowering tree, the second of which looks to have been there for a very long time. Dossy, as well, has been here for, perhaps, longer than he needed to be. Still, the work that he is doing can be done in any location, and he did not want to accidentally forget an event that he had scheduled, so he came several hours early while working on his projects.

Eight amethyst-composed Gem hands work tirelessly on 4 sets of lenses, grinding away at them to make a proper refraction. Meanwhile, DosBox himself looks deep in thought. Perhaps the matter with which he needs to speak with Uta is plaguing his mind.

The hours whittle by.

The appointed time comes.

And from the distance, a silhouette in black and white approaches. It's Uta, walking towards the bench the Gnome is sitting on. She is not hurrying, she is, in fact, taking her time to check the letter multiple times on the way to her destination, taking wrong turns, realizing her mistakes, correcting her course...

...until she spots Borywick. That leaves no doubts as to where the appointed place is.

"Oh, hi Borywick!", she waves in greeting. A wide wave. Arm extended and all. "See, I have received this letter," she then says, looking down at the sheet of paper, " and I wanted to assure you that the letter found me well and that I can meet you there."

Silence. "So, how are you?"

Upon seeing Uta, DosBox almost instantly dismisses the Gem hands, and the lenses and equipment they were holding fall into DosBox's inventory. He looks over to Uta with a smile and waves back to her. Normally, he would hop off the bench and run to her side. Today, he doesn't do that as he waits for her to approach. Maybe he thinks she should sit down for this. Maybe he thinks HE needs to be sitting down for this, "I've been doing really well, lately. Thanks for asking. How have you been? I know a lot is going on."

"Everything. Everything that can happen at once is always happening at once. And what cannot happen at once, is waiting in line to be the next thing to happen. There's a whole backlog of futre events to be processed from here to eternity, or at least the end of the universe," Uta replies to Borywick. "Still, if history is anything to go by, reality is pretty good at processing events, so we should be good there." A deep nod. "Also, I've been helping with various war-related activities and visiting friends, yes." She gestures towards the Castle. "And helping Wake build her piano. I have set up a Music Conservatory specifically for this purpose."

She sighs, smiles, and, hands behind her back, she asks, "What about you?"

Dosbox nods a few times, "Big same. I have been doing so much lately, that I keep forgetting that sleep is a thing that exists and that we are supposed to do it. There's just so much TO DO lately, that it's hard to find time to breath." He takes in a deep breath and lets it out with a heavy sigh, "It feels nice. Once and a while. To take some time to breathe. And think."

"I agree," Uta nods, arms crossed in her lap. "Finding time is so hard." Her gaze falls on the items Borywick was working on, and she asks, "So... working on Lenses?" And then, she glances towards the bench, then to Dosbox. "May I?", she asks. Sitting down, it seems.

Dosbox nods to Uta with a smile. "Please. I... It's been a while, so I am sure we have a lot to talk about, right?" He seems fidgety, like a middle schooler waiting to be seen by the principal. "I mean, I have been doing some thinking lately, about a lot of things. And sometimes it's good to just SAY the things, right? Just so they can be in the air and out there. Ya know?"

"We do have a lot to talk about, indeed!", Uta exclaims. "New findings in Rosenheim. We might need someone to look at that telescope," Uta remarks, as she turns, and moves to sit down on the bench. Hands on lap, she continues, "I suppose so, yes. Leaving elephants unattended in a room tends to result in collateral damage that becomes hard to explain while simultaneously trying to deny the existence of said indoor pachyderm." A little silence, then Uta asks, concerned, "...have you been storing elephants into Castle Eas?"

Dosbox nods, "Ah! The Telescope! Yeah, I am looking into that right now. It seems the housing and the lenses are busted. I... Have to admit that I haven't quite hammered home the technology for lenses. I might be able to fudge it with a quick fix, but it might be better in the long run if I wait until I have finished the new lens process." Dossy looks to the ground. "I... guess, like... in a metaphorical sense. There is a lot to unpack. And... I keep wanting to say it, but I keep not being able to, for many reasons. So... Yeah. One might say that there is an elephant in the room that no one is talking about, but... We probably should."

"It would be far better if it was a Dire Elephant," Uta mumbles. "Monsters I can deal with. Animals? I still lack that skill," rubbing the back of her head.

"But I do have points in Etiquette, Negotiation, Scripture... so I suppose the 'talking' part I can handle." Uta blinks. And then, laughing, shakes her head. "Oh goodness, look at me. I... I'm talking of myself in game terms..." and then, twisting her lower lip and biting it, she resumes scratching her head, "Which, I suppose, is not -inaccurate-, just... odd. But that's what we have been made into right now, isn't it? We're living a life as little sprites with coded, numbered statistics?", she chuckles.

Another head shake. She straightens her back, taps her knees with her lap-hands, and resumes, "Sorry, I was digressing. You were saying about that elephant?"

Dosbox sighs heavily, "I suppose, well, it's not a real elephant. Its just a thing that I haven't talked about with you because... I guess I was scared of your answer? I dunno. I guess... I have been going through a lot of change these last few months. I feel like my world has been turned upside down, you know... figuratively speaking." He scratches the back of his neck nervously before continuing, "The difference between how I am now and how I was then is more shocking than when the Apocalypse happened. And... I knew all along that at the start of this is... You, Uta."

He gives one or two firm nods as he faces forward. "I... Have you to thank for a lot of things. You helped me down this path." He looks down at his hand, flexing it as if someone else's were in it. "You... You took me by the hand and showed me who I could be - who I wanted to be - and you made sure that I was going down the road that would take me there." He turns to Uta and bows his head, "So I wanted to start off by saying... Thank you... For saving me from that. From what I was. Attached to a previous life that isn't me anymore." He seems to have more to say, but he's stopping to give Uta some time to process what he's said already.

It is undeniable that being addressed directly, called by name, has an effect on the Spriggan. Surprise. Definite surprise. And as much as she tries to keep a level expression, it slowly becomes clear that it's a pleasant surprise. Uta did a good thing. Her chest puffs slightly, and she straightens her back. Her wings cannot help but flutter a little.

Yup, terrible poker player.

"I... well... thank you, Borywick. That's... really nice." Uta fidgets with her hands in her lap. She's clearly pleased, but unsure of how to handle a compliment.

But then, her hands stop. She looks down at them, into her lap. "You... you reminded me a lot of where I was in the early days," she admits, more somber, as her fingers, under her gaze, tighten into a fist for the shortest moment. "I had people who pushed me out of the pit of mud I had sunk into." With a melancholic smile, she glances briefly at Borywick, before returning to look into her lap: "I feel gratitude towards them as well. And... I am honoured to be expressed yours."

Dosbox nods slowly, "I... We're a lot alike. I guess what you said earlier, about us being little sprites with coded, numbered statistics.... That really applies to me. I don't really feel like my RL 'Me' has anything to do with me anymore. At least, I... don't want it to be. I feel like my whole life until now has been that pit of mud, and I am only now getting out of it. It's not who I am, and it's not who I want to be, and I have moved on from being that person, but... I am stuck with a lot of the worst things about RL 'Me' that I have been struggling to get rid of. Like... Crippling Social Anxiety. Inferiority issues. Depression. Paranoia. It's... A long list."

He sighs again, "I've been moving ahead in spite of that, though. Because I want to move forward. I don't want to be shackled by those things anymore. And... Every day I move further away from that 'Me' I feel like I am succeeding." He clasps his hands together, "I... This is hard to say, and I haven't really gotten all of my thoughts together perfectly. Mostly because I have been trying not to think about it, but like..."

He sighs again. It's possible he might let all the air out. "I think I should just say it." He looks up and into Uta's eyes, "I sometimes see others. Couples. Holding hands. Being happy. And... When we first met, you... took my hand. And I felt happy. I... knew what that felt like. To hold hands with the person you like."

And that's when Borywick drops the elephant.

Contrary to what one would expect, there is no sudden, explosive reaction. Not even her wings move. She seems to suddenly have mastered the art of continuing being a cool, collected person who can take such declarations and continue her conversation Unshaked.

"I've seen couples too," Uta begins. "Others. Holding hands." She thinks for a moment, tilting her head left and right. "I've been wondering if would ever feel that kind of happiness. And I've been telling myself, 'maybe one day'."

Uta sucks in her lips, holds them there for a moment, then continues, "That was very brave of you, Borywick. I admire and respect your courage. I would say that, yes, I can see you've made distinct progress since you started."

"I like to think I've made some progress myself...", Uta begins, looking up and away, looking a bit distracted, as she does. "Despite that, well, I know my limits. I know I'm still... incapable of anything romance-related. I am still not ready to be in a relationship. Not sure if I will ever be; certainly, I am not yet." She shakes her head. "Even if it turns out I am capable of romantic relationshps, I still need to grow so much before that point. So much I have to learn, to process, to overcome."

Gaze lost into the distance, she adds, "And..."

More silence, as she thinks how to proceed.

"I've never been in a relationship, but I am pretty sure it works this way: both people need to feel the right kind of attraction to each other, or at least, one of them needs to be ready to give the whole thing a honest try when asked by the other." She even mimes two parts of some mechanism, or puzzle, being interlocked together. "At the moment... I... I don't think I am ready for entering a relationship. Not right now."

Glancing towards Dossy, partly apologetic, partly hopeful, she adds, "Maybe in the future, depending on how things evolve? I will be honest: I cannot guarrantee it. I think I'm the kind of person that will end up 'married to science' or whatever you call it. But then again... neither I can exclude that things will change. Only a few months ago, I would categorically exclude. that I'd ever enter a relationship, ever. Now... I... still think it's most likely not to happen. But my certainty has been showing an increasing number of cracks."

A sigh, and her wings flop down, flat on her back. "But, once again, I'm rambling. I'll just say -- until you can convince Elly and Haru that you're a worthy date, I fear the point is moot. You'd have to solve that point first, and even then, I cannot guarrantee it would be enough."

"I'm sorry, Borywick," Uta says, quiet, melancholic, and her sorrow sounds genuine. "I wish the answer could have been a 'yes'. That both of us could have been ready for this. That we both could finally know the joy of holding hands with that special someone that makes us happy."

And then, lifting her eyebrows slightly, and attempting a little more cheerful a tone, she offers, "...but we can still go on adventures? Go on more road trips. Be happy together... even if not in the way couples are."

Dosbox gives a sad smile as he listens. At some points his smile is larger, at others, it's barely there. When Uta finishes, however, he does get out his biggest smile. "I... am glad. I... I had a friend who I talked to about this. She really put things in perspective. 'If it's a yes, great. If it's a no I still have a friend.' That's what I was scared about, you know? Putting the words out there, and still having you as a friend. To be honest... I am not really sure if I am ready for a relationship either. When you were talking... a lot of the words really hit close to home, you know? I just... Maybe I am just lonely, you know? I started feeling this way, and we spent a month together almost the whole time. And then I was alone again. It's just... When I am with you, the ticking stops. And well, when you're not, it continues."

Dosbox discusses the ticking like it's supposed to mean something. He gives a sniff as he wipes a bit of extra moisture from his eye, "Ah - Maybe I just need to get a Felin. Asuna's been saying that a lot. But I... I really get what you're saying." Dossy lets a big grin appear on his face, "But like, even before we start to LOOK at Elly and Haru, we have to look to see if anything is there in the first place. Which there wasn't, you know? So we don't even have to worry about that part. Right? Saves time and effort."

"Well, the elephant is out of the bag now!", Uta exclaims, with a liberatory laugh and a metaphorical sigh of relief. "That," Uta says. "That I can do." Excited, Uta leans over. "Not being alone anymore. I can definitely help with that!" She leans over as if for reaching for Dosbox's hand, but stops halfway. She looks at her hand, and pulls back, shaking her head and laughing at herself. "Sorry, I- I thought- I-" More laughter, more hand shaking. "Let's not be Fuka. Let's not make things weird."

Uta looks left, and right. "Honestly. Elly and Haru gave me great advice. I cannot deny that. But." She narrows her eyes. "I don't know. Despite their warnings, I have this hunch that in there... there's something good wanting to happen. To get out of a shell. Sure, it needs work, time and dedication but..." Pause. "The idiom may be trite, especially given the circumstances, but... 'a diamond in the rough', you know?"

Hands in her lap, she says, barely above a whisper. "Don't tell Haru and Elly." Then, back to a normal voice, she continues, "You're already doing great, Borwick. I'm proud of you."

And then shaking her head again, and laughing, she resumes, "Well, I guess great adventures await us, the Romantically Clueless Yet Responsible Ones." Look up and away. Tap chin. "Getting you a felin, or some other kind of pet, could be a good start..."

Dosbox offers in a small, uncertain voice, "I don't mind if we are friends that hold hands, if you want. I don't... really... know how to be a good friend either, to be honest. I've... Kind of just been winging it. My first REAL friend was Asuna. You were my second. And more friends have been appearing by the day now since, and it's hard to keep up, and I don't know if I am offending people or not, but well, I can look at Haru, and he's REALLY good at letting me know if he's offended because he lets me know all the time but like... I am rambling...

"It's okay, neither do I," Uta reassures Borywick with a shrug, on the subject of making friends. "I'm kind of making things up as I go."

Gesturing vaguely in the distance, she comments, "Some are better than others to let their feelings known. Other are more subtle. I believe it's a matter of practice, there is no set rule."

Hands resting at her side, she leans back, and stares in the distance. "Sometimes we'll fail. That's life. That's part of learning." And with a glance sideways, to Borywick, she finishes, "But that shouldn't stop us, right? In fact, that's the whole point. Get back on the saddle, and resume the journey."

Dosbox closes his eyes with a smile, leaning against the bench and kicking is feet, "Failure is only a helpful guide to show you how to do better next time. And sometimes, failing at what you're trying to do often gives you the result you didn't know you wanted in the first place. Like Penicillin.

"Just like that. And even if it doesn't result in Penicilin, it results in you learning that slamming a hammer on your fingers is, perhaps, a bad idea." After some silence, she adds, "I count that a great success too, personally." She smirks. "Failure is not as bad as they think."

A deep sigh, as she leans over and twines her hands together. "...in general. I've had my own share of failures in the past, which I'm still getting over. This world..." A pause. "...seems to be helping." Turning to Dosbox, she asks, "You too? If... it's okay to ask, that is?"

Dosbox unconsciously twines his hands together as well, as if seeing Uta do it caused him to imitate it, "I mean... If you had asked me that question like... Half a year ago, before Asuna pulled me out of the situation I was in... I would have given you a different answer. But... Especially since I met you, my like has... Really changed. Alot." He sighs, "I wasn't really... successful in life. Looking at my friendships I have now, and comparing them to the friendships I had in... the REAL world," he makes a face at that, as if he were challenging which world was more real, "I don't think I really ever had any friends. And... I think..." DosBox's eyes start darting around, as if he's looking for something in an internal spreadsheet, "Ha. I have no memory of any positive HUMAN physical contact before you held my hand. That's a thing... I... Have I died before? Is it possible I lost those memories...?" DosBox began to scratch both temples as if to try an stimulate the brain juice flowing.

Uta keeps intertwining her hands for a moment longer. She stops, then bursts into laughter. "Well, -technically- I am not human. Not here," she says, scratching the back of her head. "I guess one would say 'iman' contact, in this world, according to the Traveller's usage."

After a moment of reflection, where she just stares into the middle distance, Uta shakes her head. "The memories we lose, based on what I have learned, seem to be from before the Apocalypse." Now turning to face Borywick directly, she adds, with a raised finger, "That is true, if you had died in this world, you might have lost memories of positive human contact in the world outside of ETO. However... hm. Again, based on my limited knowledge, I am under the impression that you would still remember having died, that having been a post-Apocalypse event."

Head turned up, she taps her chin. "The question remains about how you reconcile being a Lander and remembering dying multiple times -- but in that case, I get the impression that... hmmm... I suspect if it's like some Landers who become distressed when you try to address some uncomfortable topics."

Dosbox frowns, "Well, I... don't REMEMBER dying before. And that seems somewhat memorable of an event. So... I dunno. All of my memories, pretty much, are unpleasant ones... I guess they are the price I have to pay for having superpowers as an adventurer, right?" He gives a forced laugh, shaking his head, "Even my memories of Baxter, which were the only real good memories in my life, are kind of sad memories because... When I left Scale Emblem Alliance, I was giving up on him..." He looks down on his hands. "Heh. I mean, I... I am a Gnome, right? Am I supposed to have memories of who 'Boriwyk Rockborer' is? Is there a Rockborer Family out there that I am a long lost son of? Wouldn't that be weird."

Uta shakes her head. "As far as I can tell, our Adventurer avatars have no family in this world. We might as well have been 3D printed at the Church and pumped full of memories yoinked from humans somewhere." A short pause, followed by an uncertain, "somewhen...", while her head tilts sideways, her crooked index finger touching her chin.

Uta clears her head with a small shake, and returns to face Borywick. "Who's Baxter?"

Dosbox blinks a couple times, "Oh. Baxter is my cat. He's... why I joined Scale in the first place. I wanted to get back to him as quick as possible, you know? It's just..." He looks down at the ground, "Baxter... was an old kitty. It's possible that he is... he already passed away. And given how fast we are moving up the tower, even if this was the ONLY THING we needed to do to get home, well... He's going to be dead long before we do it." He gives a sniff. No, he's not crying. He just has something in his eye. "It's like that Schrödinger's cat experiment, you know? Only the box is... me logging out, the uranium is just old age, and... Well, the cat is Baxter."

The pause of reflection lasts longer. The chin is turned down, the meditation intensifies.

"Then again, one of the hypotheses is that time is flowing at a different rate," Uta suggests. "Fifty to one. Fifty minutes pass here, one minute passes out there." Silence. "Fifty weeks in here, one week out there."

She raises her head, slowly, and continues, "...so, as far as Baxter is concerned, only three weeks would have passed by now... give or take..."

She lets those words linger, and then she turns to Borywick. "But you are right. We do not know."

She lets the corner of her mouth pull into the fainterst of melancholic smirks, and offers, "...but we're not going to just lie here and wait, right? We're all going through this journey, all of us Adventurers, togeher, beat all the odds and-"

Yes. And what?

After the briefest hesitation, Uta offers, "-and have one heck of a time with our road trip, our trip to whatever destination we are headed towards."

She looks down at her gloved hand, still resting on the bench, at Borywick, then back at her hand, as if weighing her next move, uncertain.

She takes a decision. She lifts her hand, and extends it towards Borywick, as if proposing a handshake; her smirk, still melancholic, inching its way into becoming just enough of a proper smile. "Enjoying what adventures await us. With all the people we've met so far. And those we'll meet in the future."

Dosbox looks down at Uta's hands, looking sad for a brief second before taking it with both of his very tiny hands and closing his eyes. "I'm... Sorry. I put you on the spot today. I... I was selfish. I knew what your answer would be, and I made you answer anyway just so... Just for my own peace of mind, I guess." He gives his head a shake. "I just want to make sure you know that, no matter what, I am will always..." He hesitates for a little bit before he continues, "I will always be your friend. And whatever you need, I am here for you, okay?" He opens his eyes wide and gives a big smile that is somehow both forced and real at the same time. "We're always on a road trip together. It's just more metaphorical now. And we have loads of other people with us too to make the ride more fun!"

Uta shakes her head. "Don't be," she reassures, keeping the same calm she kept when answering. "It was an important step. It had to be done. Sometimes, we have to ask out the elephant in the room. Those beans have to be spilled. It's useless to cry on the spilled beans," Uta continues, "they're not going to grow into a beanstalk that takes to the big castle in the sky and grant a goose that lays golden eggs. Sometimes the beans grant Jack. But that is okay, the real growth is the one that happens inside. Growing need fertilizer, and I've just realized that I'd better steer this discussion away from the very awkward direction it's started to hurtling towards."

Uta shakes Borywick's tiny hands, and as she says, "The Road Trip. It's about the Journey," her smile finally grows to its fully formed stage.

If two passersby were to see this scene, they would think the two of them were having an intimate moment. And they kind of are, but it's a FRIENDSHIP moment, which is probably not the type of moment passersby would think they are having. Dosbox realizes this after a brief moment before he releases Uta's hands and jumps up on his feat with energy, pointing to the horizon, "ROAD TRIP!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" He clears his throat as he looks back to Uta, "Ah... Metaphorically. I... have a lot of projects I am working on. Like, a HARU level of projects. I think I might be able to pencil another road trip in sometime around... January...?" He thinks hard on that.

"We all lead busy lives," Uta confirms with a chuckle. "But on a more serious note -- that was metaphorical. Literally. I meant that the whole journey is... you know..."

And says so while gesturing vaguely in the distance.