Duty Session 192: Escort Quest: Artificial Stupidity

    Quest Accepted! Escort Quest, Guard the Landers to the shrine!

    Escort Successful: 0/1

    1 Day Remaining

    The adventure begins just outside of town. The Lander seems both excited and anxious, having never strayed this far away from home before. They are dressed for travel, wearing basic armor and wielding a simple sword.

    "It shouldn't be too far." They explain. "I need to deliver an offering to the shrine." Then, with a nervous expression, hands wringing, they add, "It's just... that there are rumors of monsters along the way. So, that's where you come in, right?" There is an uncertain laugh from the lander as the group begins their journey into the wilderness.

    Kazuma, already thinking this seems kind of sketchy, says, "Heeeeey? What kind of monsters?" while giving the Lander some side-eye, arms folded across his chest. "Elaborate. Expand. Elucidate. Enlighten. Em... En... Eehhh..." He tries to think of more E-words, but finally settles on, "Explain!"

    The Landers have already started moving, so he chases after them, yelling, "Wait, wait, wait! You haven't told us anything yet! Hey, can you hear me!?"

Schneider has joined the quest because he's never done it before, and in general he doesn't get out much. But he tries, it's just that researching spells is complicated and the process occupies more of his time than perhaps it should. He travels along with the group, introducing himself as Schneider, though inspecting him will show his full name as Dark Schneider. For those familiar, it's a hint about who he is, or at least who he wants to be, though he's a player who picked a name from fiction rather than some famous character like occasionally makes appearances.

    Merek takes a moment to adjust that dark attire which he wears, as well as the scarf. The man nods to the party, not knowing a lot about the people. He nods a bit to Kazuma, "You will probably need to fish for him," he notes, "The quest seems to be about fixing crazy issues." There's a wave to everyone.

    Aqua, priestess and healer with heavy watery themes to not only her spells but also her appearance, walks along with the others. "Wait! We're doing what? I don't want to walk the whole way! Get us a wagon or something, and you can pull it while I rest my feet! They're already tired and hurting! Are you listening to me, Kazuma!?" She looks towards Schneider and Merek, "We can just leave the fighting to them! It's way more important that we preserve my strength and, more importantly, my comfort! Can't you hear me, Kazuma!? Stop ignoring me! KAZUMAAA!"

    She chases after him even as he runs to keep up with the Landers being escorted.

    Megumin is very short. As such, she takes smaller strides than most other people, and thus will have the hardest time keeping up if everyone is going as fast as possible. Still, she hangs out near the back of the procession, not hurrying, as there's no need to yet. She appears to be distracted with a strange black cat with batwings hanging out over her shoulder. "Chomusuke, you musn't follow their example. The decorum expected of a professional Adventurer of such sublime skill as myself prevents such odious displays!" Or so says the tiny wizard in the oversized hat, with eyepatch and staff taller than she is, and a cat on her shoulder.

    Chomusuke just nyaaahs in response through its big, sharp-toothed smile.

    Megumin looks towards the Adventurers she hasn't met yet, and says, "Art thou familiar with yonder traveler? Mayhaps thou haveth insight about what might layeth ahead."

    Mizuki squints at the NPC. "You sound just like the last guy. Hopefully at least this time the quest won't involve a forest inexplicably in the middle of the Westal desert..."

    The cat ninja turns to Kazuma and the others. "Hello! I'm Mizuki, of the Odysseia Knights!" She gives Megumin a curious look. "You're that mage that casted Explosion, right? How'd you DO that??"

    She shouts after Kazuma, "This NPC is pretty unhelpful but at least we get a reward at the end!"

    Aqua gets a look. "We're not carrying you. ...Figuratively OR literally. Come on, you were at the floor boss fight, you're not a helpless newbie!" She shifts back and forth from foot to foot. "Even if you were pretty sedentary in the real world, these bodies are in great shape! We can walk and enjoy nature here! So..."

    Oh, Aqua's already running off. When she says she can't. Well, okay. Mizuki equips her ninja outfit -- midnight purple with a flowing red scarf -- and runs after. Making it look easy.

    A tall, statuesque blonde woman in rather fancy armor strides alongside the Landers once the quest begins, somewhere inbetween Megumin and the two knuckleheads running ahead. "I am Darkness, a Crusader. You all fought nobly against those goblins. Even though they were so wild and s-savage and... R-r-r-rough!" Just remembering the work-out she got fighting them as she bought time for everyone to retreat alongside another brave heroine is enough to get her flush-faced. May her body continue to be a barrier against harm to her allies!

    "In any case, I too would like to receive more information about the potential threats we may face. Especially if we are to face something especially fearsome, like a dragon, or Orcs, or something with slimy t-tentacles." What horrors! There's no way she'll share the glory of standing up to such monsters! Only she need suffer such indignity and torment!

    She seems to have become distracted again and is breathing a bit heavily at the though of the epic struggles that may await her.

    The group travels for a time, following the main, well-traveled roads. However, just because they are well traveled, does not mean there is not danger. After a time, those who are keen-eyed would spot what looks like a flock of birds gathered along the roadway.

    "Oh, they're just birds. Go, get out of here!" The Lander tries to shoo them away, only to have all of the little bird heads turn in their direction.

    Kazuma slows his jog down as Merek speaks to him. "Ah, is this one of those repeatable quests? I didn't think this world worked that way. I thought NPCs were supposed to be self-aware or something." As Aqua comes screeching and wailing after him, he grimaces, then turns to shriek back at her. "SHUT UP! CARRY YOURSELF! AREN'T YOU A FORMER SOMETHING-OR-OTHER!? Use your powers and stop blowing out my eardrums with your annoying voice!"

    Kazuma is so distracted that he completely misses the Lander causing trouble. The birds take wing, beginning to circle around the Lander, diving and pecking at them. Raising their hands up to shield their face, the Lander shouts, "Ow, ow-- ow-- ow! Bad birds, bad birds!"

    Kazuma stops walk entirely, one hand on his hip and just watches the fiasco. "Seriously? We were hired to fight birds? Actually, those birds were just minding their own business. Isn't this the Lander's fault?"

    He sighs though, knowing that the reward is forfeit if they allow the Lander they're escorting to get killed by an Alfred Hitchcock reenactment. Sliding through his inventory, he equips himself with his bow and arrow, and lets loose an arrow towards the fearsome foul fowl.

Schneider chuckles as he strides after the landers, not bothered by their less than informative departure. That much in the game, he's used to. He nods at Aqua's assertion that he and Merek can handle any fighting, though he looks to the others curiously, guessing what each player might do. He smirks broadly at the byplay, it seems like a few of these players know each other already. He's a bit new, himself, but smiles at Mizuki's introduction. Grinning to Megumin, he agrees, "That /was/ a pretty spectatcular explosion. I'd learn it if I could," he laments. "But there seems to be something missing." Darkness gets a puzzled glance, slightly concerned. He is technically a Crusader, but a Rune Knight, which is a lot less tanky than most. But despite being a sorcerer, he carries a sword rather than a staff.

He's absolutely a sorcerer, though, as evidenced by the spell he casts, which seems to draw air in from a worrying vortex in the sky, swirling like a tornado, battering the birds horribly and interfering with their attacks as it sucks down their HP.

    Mizuki gasps, suddenly distracted from explosion lore. "You have a winged cat familiar?? That's so cool! Can I pet it?"

    Darkness, meanwhile... there's something odd about the way she's talking about these things. Slimy tentacles? Ew. The thought makes her shiver.

    As Kazuma speaks up, she replies, "It's weird. Sometimes they act like people, but sometimes..." She nods in the Lander's direction. "Oh COME ON!" Her tail bristles, and then she runs up to the Lander, trying to grab him and pull him away while breathing fire at the birds! Because apparently she can do that. Some kind of fire-breathing cat-person??

    Merek begins lifting up both hands to wave away the birds with magic, nodding a bit to Kazuma. "Things like this will be repeatable, it is difficult to say. A lot of things are independent," he notes. The man then takes a moment to begin offering coffea along to everyone if they would like. "I led an expedition to rediscover coffea, you all can enjoy if you like!" The man looks to Darkness, "Are you alright? You always seem to be, a little excited."

    Aqua gets shouted at in the face, spit flying from Kazuma's mouth as he reprimands her. "I'm not a 'former' anything! My position is current! And if I could just fly wherever I wanted, I wouldn't be hanging around you in the first place!" She looks back at Mizuki. "I didn't ask you to carry me, but maybe you should! I'm the party's healer, so I deserve special treatment! Pamper me! Spoil me! Praise me more!" she whines, with tears flowing from her eyes in thick streams as she grabs Kazuma by the shoulders and shakes him while he's trying to shoot at the birds.

    When she notices what he's doing, she stops and says, "I'll show you how useful I am! I've had it with you calling me 'useless', you shut-in NEET!" She demonstrates her amazing usefulness by... Bending over to pick up a rock from the ground nearby, and then throwing it at the birds. And missing.

    "Stupid birds! Why won't you hold still so I can hit you!?"

    Megumin accepts the praise readily. "Hmhmhm~! I see that thou art men and women of culture and wisdom to be capable of recognizing the beauty and awesome power of Explosion Magic. For sooth, it is the greatest of all magic, and I have dedicated all of my Skill Points to mastering it. I am, after all, Megumin the Arch-Wizard, first among the Crimson Demon clan, and master of the mightiest of magics!" She is sidetracked from hyping herself up to people who already know how cool she is when Mizuki asks to pet Chomusuke. "She likes to be pet. Feel free. She especially likes to have her ears scratched."

    When the NPC they're escorting is accosted by avian avengers, she stands back, letting those better equipped go first. However, Chomosuke has other ideas, and leaps off Megumin's shoulder to swipe at the birds repeatedly, eventually catching one and taking it down to the ground for a little snack.

    Megumin crouches down to pet Chomusuke and praise her as the feline returns from a successful hunt, prey in-mouth. "Good, Chomusuke! You're much more useful than some people!"

    "Ah... Yes! I'm fine." Darkness responds, regaining her composure. "Just eager to fulfill my role as a protector. I truly feel as though my life has purpose when I am risking it for the sake of others. It is my calling to--" Then there's the raucuous ruckus of raving, ravenous, raven renegades, and the Crusader must focus her attention on the task at hand. She gets a serious look on her face as she charges forth surprisingly quickly for being in heavy armor. Clearly, she doesn't just wear it for show. She is physically capable for the class she has chosen.

    She stops in front of Kazuma and Aqua, sword raised, and then yells out a challenge! "Leave them be, and unleash your fury upon me! I am the one who will take on your talons and beaks, and filth-soaked feather--" But they continue to ignore her, and between an arrow from Kazuma, the firebreath from Mizuki, the vortex of wind from Schneider, the virtual wall of air that Merek expelled, Aqua's screeching (it must be a sonic attack), and Megumin's feline familiar's fervor, the enemies are dealt with regardless, leaving her standing there amidst the fallen birds, and watching the rest escape.

    "Y-yes... Well... Good then." she says in embarrassment.

    Kazuma yells some more at Aqua for shaking him, denies being a NEET, and just looks on non-plussed by her uselessness before continuing on once the Lander is ready to proceed. "Don't antagonize anymore birds, okay?" He spends the time until their next destination thinking about the enigma of 'sometimes people and sometimes not' that seems to afflict the People of the Land. Is there a cause for this?

    After a time, the party finds themselves at the slope leading down to| a wide river. Water lashes at the rocky shore. At first glance, there doesn't seem to be any safe way of traversing the expanse, no bridges or natural pathways visible. Not only that, but something dark seems to be moving under the surface.

    Kazuma stands near the edge, but at a safe distance as he surveys the obstacle. "Hooh... Are there any tall trees nearby? Maybe our Crusader can finally put those muscles of hers to good use and chop some down for us, and we can use them as a bridge--"

    The Lander, however, is oblivious to this danger, and keeps on walking right to the edge of the river while Kazuma is talking. "Looks like we have no choice but to swim across!" They state, with certainty. "Don't worry, I'm a good swimmer!" and has turned to face the rest of the party.

    He has turned to face the rest of the party at this point, so begins to call over his shoulder, "We're not swimming across. check your script and wait until I tell you what to--"

    //Sploosh//

    Kazuma freezes in place, eyes wide, then whips around. "Stupid! What are you doing!?"

    Everything looks to be going well, for about two seconds, and then a large, monstrous looking squid grabs on to the lander, tentacles flailing them into the air. "Ahhh, HELP!"

    Kazuma tries to use the limited Water Magic he knows to try to lower the river a bit, and maybe strand the squid, but it's a river so it just fills right back up. "Aaaaaaghhh! How did this idiot even make it past childhood!? AQUAAA! Do something!"

Schneider chuckles as the last of the pesky birds are dealt with, and he smirks as Kazuma vents her frustration. He seems unperterbed by it. Megumin's attack is a bit strange to him, but he can't deny that the explosion magic was pretty cool.

The sight of the river has him looking up and down the shore for a boat, and he acks as the Lander just jumps in. "Oh man," he sighs, and when the Lander dives in, then acks as the Lander is suddenly assailed by a squid. "Not something I can use fireball on," he says, given how close the Lander and the squid are. And the water. "I guess," he says, and channels dark energy of some kind. It seems then like some sort of water elemental appearing, summoned to Schneider's will, then swirling, jabbing, poking the squid like a thing alive.

    Merek nods a bit along to the party while they walk on to the next challenge, then he nods to Darkness, "You know... People might get ideas about you, if you do it like that," he offers. The man then looks to the tentacle squid which picks up the lander, "Ya, you know why I don't like this quest," he notes. The man takes a moment to lift up the gauntlet which he wears, "Amid a field of ice, Frost Shock!" The ice begins to shimmer along the tentacles while a lightning begins to shift along and into that creature.
    The man seems to be as skilled with magic like he is with the weapon. That is what a Magic Knight will accomplish. "Assist me in maneuvering it away from that lander!"

    "Eeeehhh? So NOW you want my help? You're going to have to give me half of your share of the reward in exchange!" Aqua cracks her knuckles, and then creates an arch of water right over the squid and flailing Lander, diverting the river up and over, to then continue on the other side. She seems to do so with only a little bit of difficulty, and then only because she has to take their escort into account and the flailing of the giant squid that requires her to keep moving the river.

    After getting the lander away from the birds, Mizuki praises Chomusuke, "Aww, good kitty!" She will get her fair share of petting along the adventure! Although she wonders how it manages to eat a bird like that. She tried biting a fish once and it just broke into polygons!

    Aqua just gets that Jackie Chan meme-face expression. Mizuki is trying to tell how someone who behaves like that has survived here this long. "It's not like any of us are NEETs now, Adventuring's a full-time job..."

    And then they come to a river. As Kazuma tells the NPC to wait, Mizuki simultaneously says, "Uhh, I don't think he's gonna--"

    //Sploosh//

    "Aagh! It's hard to melee stuff in the water! COLD BOLT!"

    Mizuki holds out her hand and a series of icicles appear above her head, shooting out at the above-water portion of the squid and clearly hitting it with a series of satisfying THWACK sounds. Then after the final icicle fires...

                                      MISS                                      

    "Oh COME ON! Ugh, how is a basic spell's animation so buggy?!" She complains, like she hasn't taken ADVANTAGE of this spell's quirks before...

    Megumin is not particularly savvy when it comes to water, magical or otherwise. So her contribution, initially, was just going to be casting Explosion. However, with the friendly fire that might incur, she, reluctantly, resigns herself to leaping into the river that Aqua is manipulating, riding the 'arch' above the squid's head now that the cephalopod is stranded at the bottom of a waterless river-bed, and reaches out a hand to try to grab the Lander and pull him to safety with her as the river continues to carry her. This is very scary, and she is very small and physically weak, but she is using the river's strength instead of her own. It's actually rather smart for something she came up with spur-of-the-moment.

    Chomusuke refuses to join her in the river and remains on the shore, watching as the water still dripping from the giant squid is frozen by Merek, making its movements slower and thus making it easier to rescue its 'prey'.

    Now it all comes down to Darkness, the icicles that shoot over the squid's head drawing its attention towards Mizuki instead of Megumin, even if they didn't actually injure it.

    What do you know? Mention tentacles and they shall appear! Darkness stares as the Lander just... Jumps in the river. And then she stands straighter, eyes bulging as the giant squid appears. "How awful! Keep pulling on that Lander, Megumin, and keep distracting it, all! I'll break its grip before the river's flow resumes!" Then she charges forwards, prepared to leap off the shore and into the temporarily-dry part of the river where the squid lurks, looking to simply bear hug it and crush it (or part of it) with her herculean strength!

    "From Eris's heart, I crush thee!" Darkness yells out as she apparently succeeds.

    Kazuma grits his teeth a bit at Aqua, but says, "Fine, you greedy good-for-nothing!" in agreement with the healer's terms. She demonstrates how much better she is at water stuff by just... Redirecting the entire river (or at least this section of it). Megumin surprises Kazuma with her bravery in jumping in to rescue their escort, and between the ice magic of Merek and Mizuki, and Schneider's water elemental harassing the monster left and right, Darkness has an opening to jump in and Sumo Wrestle the squid. Between one giant water monster that is virtually entirely powerful tentacles and muscle, and some blonde chick, which has the superior body is obvious from the start.

    Darkness does, obviously. The squid cries tears of pain at the crushing it receives, releasing the Lander and doing its best to tentacle-crawl back into the river and head downstream, and away from these brutal Adventurers.

    Fishing Megumin, the Lander, and Darkness out of the river afterwards takes some doing, but eventually they make it to the other side, and continue on their way, with Kazuma's annoyance levels continuing to increase.

    The journey continues, drawing the Adventurers and their Lander companion to a cave which seems to run beneath a more dangerous part of the landscape. The cold drip of water sounds from rock formations, dropping into clear pools. Kazuma huffs and puffs as he peers inside leerily, suspecting something is up in advance because today it seems like there's ALWAYS something up.

    There is no light here, making it nearly impossible to traverse without some sort of illumination. "Darkness got her tentacles. I hope she doesn't get her dragon too. This would be an awful place to run into one." Because their strongest hitter can't even use her magic underground or indoors.

    "It's really dark." The Lander comments, walking forward.

    //THUNK//

    "Ow." His hands reach out, realizing that he had walked into one of the strange rock formations. "Maybe we could use some light?"

    Kazuma holds out an arm in front of everyone as he freezes in place. "Hold up. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I think this Lander just set a Flag. Getting a light might actually makes this worse somehow." Yet, NOT lighting their way will probably make this entire stupid quest take much longer, and leave them vulnerable to... I don't know. Pits? Spikes? Swarms of spiders? With a long-suffering sigh, he lowers his arm and says, "Fine. Let's just get this over with."

Schneider blinks as the Lander leads the way into a cave. "What's he going this way for?" he has to wonder, though he knows the Landers are often goofy and wildly ... suboptimal. But at the call for light, he says, "I got your light right here." Raising a hand over his head, his hand is engulfed in magical flames, which give off a flickering light.

    "For once you actually have a pretty good idea, Kazuma." Aqua says back-handedly towards Kazuma as she peers into the deep blackness. "I don't want to find out there's undead or something lying in wait for us. I'll smite them before they even know we're here!" While others whip out flames of various sorts to light their way, Aqua raises her hands, glowing with holy power of a rather startling magnitude, and then points both palms forwards, as she calls out, "TURN UNDEAD-O!" A wave of divine energy blasts forth, more like a blinding laser than an anti-undead charm.

    It definitely lights things up, even if only temporarily. But the main benefit is that if there's any undead further through the cave... Well... There aren't anymore!

    Merek looks to the place for a moment, then he nods while he takes a box from the pack with him, placing a few chemicals within it. While he places that in front of the place, he lights the thing. There's an explosion while it begins to swing a few sparks. The man picks that up, then he places that into a lantern, while it offers a light for them to travel with.

    Megumin dries off with some minor application of the fire magic that the Crimson Demon Clan are so proficient with, just warming the air around her until the water evaporates. A river is no place for a Crimson Demon, let alone a mage of Megumin's caliber! At least now she's back on dry land.

    A little while later, she finds herself standing in front of a cave, staring in disbelief. "I'll wait here for you to return." she says. "I can't use my Explosion Magic underground." However, with prodding from Chomusuke, she eventually gives in. She bets Chomusuke's paws are sore from all the walking, so she'd best get home so her familiar can take a cap nap.

    Sulkily, she follows after the rest of the party, seeing them all producing their own light sources. The Magicite crystal in her Crimson Demons' Staff illuminates slightly, producing a deep, ominous, ruby glow in a small radius around it. It doesn't help too much, but she can direct the light from it by holding her staff out towards whatever she wishes to examine, like a close-range flashlight.

    Fishing everyone out of the river is a pain. At least thanks to Gwen, Mizuki now has a swimsuit instead of facing the 'wet clothes vs nudity-where-no-one-can-actually-see-anything-because-of-her-fur' dilemma. (It looks like someone applied a moderate amount of 'female armor' logic to a surfer's wetsuit; it cuts off above the elbows and knees and bares a fair amount of midriff.)

    "A dragon? I don't think there was a dragon last time." Mizuki replies, holding a finger to her chin. "It was... harpies."

    She doesn't even realize it's dark until the lander just walks into something. "All this time going to this shrine and you STILL don't remember to bring a torch, huh? Come on, then..."

    Mizuki puts a hand on the Lander's shoulder to guide him and starts slowly breathing out a tiny puff of flame to provide enough light to see his immediate surroundings by, stopping him when she has to stop and breathe in.

    Mostly dried off, but still somewhat slimey from wrestling a squid, Darkness stays close to Kazuma so that she can move into the path of danger if it rears its foul head once more. A cave? All manner of terrible things like to lurk in those! Aqua's decision to send advance firepower ahead of them makes her nod approvingly, and she takes in the cave surroundings as everyone else uses fire in some capacity to illuminate the area. Darkness can't do that, so she just pulls out the pendant hanging around her neck, usually tucked beneath her armor, and holds it while praying to her goddess. "Eris, please light out way and guide us to safety."

    No miraculous light or other obvious signs of anything happening are evident, but it makes Darkness feel a bit better at least as she leads the way.

    It looks as though they've all got plenty of light. And fire. Actually, no, there's never too much fire on a quest like this. If they get attacked by giant bats or something, shooting them out of the air with fireballs would actually be a pretty good idea. So he holds up a hand, gripping his forearm with the other, and extends his index finger, as a small flame appears on his fingertip. "Let's see what we're dealing with..." he mutters, already anticipating the worst. He still has a feeling that the Lander set a Flag back there.

    And then... There's nothing. If there were undead, they got wiped out by Aqua already. Huh. Maybe he's just being overly cynical and the rest of the journey will turn out just fine? He continues along, following Darkness until they emerge into the open air once more.

    As the party exits out onto the plains, it seems almost as if it should be a smooth journey from here. There is no sign of monsters or dangers, only a straight path through the grasses.

    Kazuma stretches, "Ahhh... Good to be out of there. Now we can finally get this over with--"

    "Gosh, I'm hungry." the Lander interrupts.

tWait, what?

    Kazuma ignores the complaint, thoroughly done with this moron of an NPC.

    The Lander, however, walks to the side of the road and sits down. "We should stop for a break." (("Like hell we should." Kazuma interrupts in the background but is drowned out. "How about some food?" (("How about a knuckle sandwich?" he tacks on, but goes ignored.)) The Lander looks to the group of Adventurers, expectantly, then their stomach rumbles.

    "Aren't you hungry, too?" (("No.")) "How about some food?" (("How about a knuckle sandwich?" he interjects, reusing his previous quip.

    Clearly, they won't be able to continue on without feeding the Lander...

    Unless they just tie him up and drag him, anyway.

Schneider is stuck, then, with the task of fishing, a job for which he is supremely unqualified for. He does not have a line or rod, so he stands by the water's edge and attempts to fireball fish swimming by. This does not work. There is a lot of steam, though.

    Merek takes a moment to begin looking to his fishing pole while he will try to fish. He doesn't succeed in it, all the same he does enjoy taking a break from the travel while he waits.

    They get through the cave uneventfully, despite Kazuma's fears. Great!

    But now the Lander wants food. "Ah, this happened last time, too." Mizuki comments. "He'll eventually move on even if we don't find food, but it'll probably go faster if we do..."

    She attempts Fishing. A swimsuit is so helpful this duty!

    Amazingly, she walks out of the water triumphantly with a great big fish flopping about, held in her jaws like Chomusuke returning with a fresh kill. Once far enough from the water that it can't flop back in, she transfers it to her hands, barely holding it with her claws and preventing it from wriggling away.

    She looks pretty pleased with herself, but anyone who makes cat comments gets a glare and a "Don't even say it."

    Food? Well... Megumin IS kind of hungry. And as a growing girl, she needs nutrition, or else she'll always be this short! ...Right? Does it work like that in this world? Either way, she puts to use the expert hunting/scavenging skills she developed as a malnourished youth, finding mushrooms, bugs, and other dubious food and food-like items to bring back to the cooking site. She hopes everyone likes skewered giant cicadas and bright-purple fungus!

    Aqua took the Maid class because, despite her complaining, simple, mindless, physical labor is something she is well-suited to. Especially the simple and mindless parts. Further, it allows her to make actual good-tasting food, something that is in high demand, with not only others, but also, and more importantly, with herself! So she already has a fire set up in short order, with what fuel she was able to scrounge up. It's really amaazing how confident she must be to keep bending over so often in that skirt of improbability.

    Nonetheless, she crouches next to the growing blaze, prepared to fire-roast whatever is brought to her.

    "None shall go hungry when the great Aqua is around!" she declares, even if the fishing attempts so far seem to be floundering. She fufufufu~s to herself quietly, amused at her own joke.

    To others, it probably just looks like she's giggling into a fire like some freaking pyromaniac arsonist lunatic. You know, like Megumin.

    But then Mizuki comes back with a huge fish! "Aaaahh! That'll turn into something delicious after I cook it! Hmm... What to make..." She runs through a bunch of recipes she doesn't have any ingredients for, before settling on just cooking it whole.

    Simple solutions for simple goddesses.

    She gives a heavily displeased look as Megumin brings back bugs, but seems more than okay with just eating fungus that the Crimson Demon found growing on whatever. The mushrooms get added to the fish, for flavoring. Hopefully they aren't poisonous, or cursed, or horcruxes, or something.

    Darkness doesn't fare any better than Schneider or Merek, her efforts mainly consisting of lying on her back on the shore with her ponytail in the water, and waiting for fish to bite onto her hair. It appears the fish don't consider her hair to be very appealing, because it goes totally ignored while Mizuki and Megumin appear to provide the entirety of the meal. Unless Kazuma winds up contributing something.

    Darkness just lies there and rests for a while, until it is time to eat. At that point, she sits up, unties her ponytail and just lets it all down for a while to that it dries faster.

    She'll tie it back up when it's time to leave.

    Aqua offers all sorts of recipes but doesn't seem to actually have the ingredients. "Do you at least have salt, pepper, and/or butter? That's all you really need for most fish..."

    Megumin brought back MUSHROOMS?

    Mizuki looks pretty excited to get FRESH-COOKED FISH AND MUSHROOMS. That sounds really tasty, actually! Tail twitching, she watches Aqua cook intently and waits.

    Kazuma is even worse at fishing than everyone else here, apparently. Not only does he not catch anything, it appears that they actively avoid his fishing line. Might have something to do with the Crusader using her hair as a lure nearby. Yes, he could have sat somewhere else, but come on. It's Darkness! Of course he's going to sit where he can surreptitiously oggle her. Hm, maybe him being distracted has something to do with the lack of fish he catches.

    Unfortunately, the food retrieved, split between 7 people, doesn't appear to amount to enough to satisfy the Lander. Kazuma is very much reconsidering his decision not to tie the idjit up and drag him to their destination.

    Once they get on their way, serenaded by the siren calls of annoying complaints from both sides, courtesy of both Aqua and the Lander.

    Kazuma's patience is wearing thin, to say the least.

    Once on the road again, it seems as if it is only a short journey to the shrine. The location seems to be old, but enough travelers must come this way that it is not completely overgrown. There is an image of a knight, crouched, a sword held before her. A piece of cloth covers the stone statue's eyes.

    "We're here!" The Lander exclaims, then tries to rush forward.

    Kazuma tries to yell out, "Wait! We need to watch for--" But nope. The doofus isn't listening, and is stopped when a series of bird-like monsters descend from the nearby surroundings, landing on or near the statue.

    Except... these are not birds. They have twisted figures, humanoid faces, wings, and taloned feet. Harpies. They seem to have claimed this place as their nest. Around the shrine, there are a series of broken instruments, suggesting that perhaps other travelers had tried to use some kind of music against them.

    "Ahh! Harpies!" The lander shrieks.

    Kazuma just stands by, head tilted back, sighing heavily.

    Then he focuses on the subject at hand, saving regretting his life choices for another time.

    "We should probably do something about this. I guess." he gestured vaguely at the harpies.

Schneider looks relieved as the Lander gets up and gets moving, following along until we're finally at the end of the line. "Thank goodness," he says with a weary sigh, but it's not quite over, is it? Harpies dive bombing us is what's going on, but Schneider's one-size-fits-all solution resurfaces. "Brain, Brain dead. Obey your blood oath, come forth from the land of Avalon. Fire of Gehenna, become a fiery blast and burn everything around us! EXODUS!" That nightmarish spell ignites, flames bursting around the harpies and singing them with a savage intensity.

    Aqua is just starting to whine about her feet again when they reach their destination! And are greeted with harpies! "Kazumaaaa! Why isn't anything ever easy!? Why can't we just win for once!? This isn't fair! I deserve better!" Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Eventually, she shrouds her fist in glowing light and calls out, "I'm going to smite all of you with the mighty God Blow!" She then charges forwards, fist raised, prepared to try to punch a harpy. Birds tend to be strong against punching, at least based off the Wheel of Pokelements, but she exposits regardless. "God Blow is a divine attack that focuses all of a goddess's love and fury into a single strike! GOOOODDUU BLOOOOOOOW!" she yells as she leaps into the air and... Punches the harpy. They're so filthy and gross, that her purifying punch actually seems to make her victim shiny, clean, and a little bit prettier. The harpy reconsiders her path in life, and flies off to get a job and attend college.

    Darkness once again grips her Eris Church medallion, but doesn't invoke a prayer this time. Not out loud, anyway. She just puts both hands to her sword and charges forth, swinging it back and forth, making deadly thrusts, and impressive whooshing sounds with her furious attack! ...And hitting absolutely nothing.

    Mizuki DID say there might be harpies. When she spies the shrine littered with broken instruments, she looks UP.

    "Look out! This is the boss! We need to use music to distract them!"

    There is no one else musical here.

    She runs over to the instruments and picks one up. "It's okay, we don't need instruments when I can..." and then she switches to a sing-songy tone, "SIIIIIIING!"

    She starts rapping the piece of junk on the scenery to add some simple percussion, as she leads into a somewhat subdued but cheerful tune like one might hear on a children's show:

    "Oh when you happen," *thwack!* "upon a harpy, don't despair." *thwack thwack!*

    "Just remember," *thwack* "this song and I'll be THEEEEEERE" *thwack-a-ta-thwack-a*

    She strides across the battlefield, dancing around attacks as she tries to hold the harpies' attention,

    "They can't do anything to ya, if you sing a little tune-a," and then, as the magic attacks come in, she abruptly takes a stance like a threatening monster, hands up and curled with claws out, and transitions to a death metal shout that's part-roar, smoke and fire pouring from her mouth: "and MAKE THE SMELL OF CHICKEN FILL THE AIIIIIIR!"

    Merek looks to the harpies, then he begins to sweep with magical flame to try and back them away from that lander, while the party begins dealing with the creature.

    Suddenly, very dramatic theme music starts up, right as Mizuki finishes her song.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERKnkHq-6XA

    Perched atop whatever is nearby that will suffice as a perch, a certain Crimson Demon stands, one hand on the brim of her hat, the other clutching her staff in hand. "I am Megumin! I am an Arch-Wizard and first among the Crimson Demons! I am the one who will one day master Explosion Magic!"

    She raises her staff as magic energy begins to build around her, rising up in a column of multi-colored lights that swirl and collide together to form miniature stars that flow into the sky, congealing in a whirlpool of mystic power so dense that it is virtually liquid.

    "Thou art damned! The sun eclipses the moon! The darkness consumes the light! Flames hotter than fire, and crimson redder than blood! By the gods of destruction, I call thee: transgressor against fate, betrayer of law, thou shalt burn in the hellfires of infinity, and my spell shall echo until all things are consumed in chaos!"

    The spell seems to be building to its climax as clouds form in the sky, deep and dark, except for the mix of gold and crimson that shines through in shafts of ominous luminescence.

    "I sense the crack of avian law within thine forms! I shalt burn it right again! With this great magic, purify this shrine in fire!" Megumin then points her magicite staff towards the harpies, and calls out the name of her spell. "EKSU-PLOOOOOOOOSHUN!"

    A mass of fire, light, and pure destruction shoots down like a planet-killer asteroid from the heavens, striking the shrine and exploding in a sphere of all-consuming power.

    The... Uh. The shrine might not be there anymore.

    Sorry.

    Megumin falls off her perch and flat on her face on the ground below.

    Right as Kazuma decides to contribute to the mix of music and magic being thrown at the harpies, he senses more than hears the ominous tones associated with a certain Arch-Wizard's chanting. He turns towards Megumin, flailing his hands, and yelling, "WAIT! Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait! You'll destroy the shrine! Hold it! I'm sure the others have it under control! No need for you to--"

    It's too late, the spell is already in motion, and the enormous power being woven in the sky isn't going to just go away if Megumin stops now. Kazuma groans and starts running around, looking for something. If this is the harpies' nest, then it stands to reason that... THERE! Kazuma throws out his hand and yells, "STEAAAAAAL" After a bright light shines, Kazuma now has an egg in his grasp. A harpy egg. If that doesn't get them to follow him, he doesn't know what will.

    He yells to the harpies to make sure they see what he has, then takes off running, racing away from the shrine and looking for a good, distant place to ditch this thing. He nearly skids right off a cliff edge, but luckily stops himself from launching head-long towards whatever lies below.

    Instead, he waits until the harpiest are closer, then leans back, and HURLS the egg as hard and as far as he can! "If you want it... You better catch it!"

    The harpiest shriek in fury and desperately go diving after the egg to try to prevent its destruction.

    Then Kazuma turns and flees back towards the shrine, running as fast as he can, right as Megumin completes her spell and sends a giant bullet of explosion magic hurtling down towards the massed harpies.

    He is sent flying, even so, by the mere shockwave from the detonation. After that, screeching from the sound of musical notes and flailing back from the magical onslaught set against them, a few of the harpies burst into pixels, defeated, while others take wing, fleeing from the shrine and leaving it, once again, empty. The remaining harpies are simply too battered, soothed, purified, and terrified to stick around, and decide there are other, safer, less explodey places to hang out and/or get an education.

    Kazuma eventually staggers back up to the shrine, dirty and faintly smelling of smoke, and looking completely done with the world.

    "Oh, phew." The Lander gives a sigh of relief as they walk forward.

    Out of one of their pockets, they pull out a carved war horn, laying it before the statue and bowing their head. "Please, goddess. These brave souls deserve a token of your blessing. Gift them with your courage."

    At first, nothing happens at all, at least nothing noticeable. Though, perhaps in the minutes or hours that follow, each Adventurer would find a small token in their inventory, bearing a symbol of the goddess. How did that get there?

    Escort Quest, Guard the Lander to the shrine!

    Escort Success: 1/1

    Reward received.

    "I want to go home." Kazuma mutters as he realizes that now they have to walk all the way back.