Duty Session 306: Escort Quest: Artificial Stupidity

Recently, Jazz reached into her pouches to pull out coins and had several moth animations fly out. This made her realize she had a serious problem that needed fixing: she is poor.

Thus, just outside of Shibuya, she is staring at a Lander who's entirely excited about delivering an offering to a nearby shrine. It's a common quest. The Lander, he calls himself Aki, is *extremely* pleased to be working with ADVENTURERS. She let it be known to a few people over Chimlinks that there's an opportunity to potentially earn a few coins and thus begins the latest 'adventure' once everyone is assembled.

"I have a bad feeling about this," utters Jazz, who has bad feelings about nearly everything.

    "Hello, Jazuhanzu."
    One moment Akatsuki was not there.
    The next moment she just... Kind of suddenly was, as she breaks out of stealth.
    Briefly, she eyes the Lander.
    "This should not be so difficult."
    Hah hah haaaaaah...
    She's going to be eating those words by the time this is over.

Yeowang has not done this before, but has heard stories. She nods about Jazz's bad feeling and murmurs, so that the Lander can't hear, "I understand that in these sort of quests, the Lander is highly credulous and incompetent. We should be cautious." But she was in Shibuya, and is quick to assist her alliance, so here she is, pulling her long hair back and tying it off to keep it out of the way. "We are entirely capable," she agrees with Akatsuki. She does not say how easy or frustrating she expects it to be.

It is not common to find Kita outside of Scale Emblem lands, but perhaps the Imp had been sent out for some task or another. She does look particularly put out, seeming as if she were unhappy with her current situation.

"Hey Jazz." She offers by way of greeting, trying to show a smile that doesn't quite get there. Pushing her glasses up on her nose, she pages through her spellbook briefly.

"Let's hope this at least passes some time before my meeting." What meeting? Mysterious Imp is mysterious. Her hand lingers on a folded up bit of paper tucked between the pages, but she doesn't seem do more than touch the edge of the parchment. Then, blinking herself awake, she nods. "Should be fine. We're all decent level."

There's no such thing as too many coins. Lin eagerly accepts any job offer that comes his way. In all truth, it's not a very efficient way to accumulate wealth, but he's having fun and that's what matters to him. "Alright!" The Pooka bounces enthusiastically in, meeting the Lander and the rest of the group.

"We're Adventurers! This is taking stuff from point A to point B. We do it all the time. There's no reason to have a bad feeling. It'll be easy!"

"Just be careful and don't run off and do anything unwise, Aki. While we're here to help you do what you want, you can help us help you do it by --"

"GET OUT OF HERE, DUMB BIRDS!"

Aki just stormed into a swarm of birds, trying to scatter them out of the way from where they are along the route.

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!" groans Jazz, her hand hitting her face.

As usual, Kita is less than invested in questing. It has never been her main interest in the realm of Elder Tale Online. There are points as they walk along that she seems to be reading or jotting notes into one of her books rather than really paying attention.

It isn't until one of the birds starts to peck at one of her spellbook pages that she even seems to give much notice to the problem. Looking up, she brushes a hand towards the bird, and then traces her fingers through the air, glowing symbols appearing in their wake.

The symbols burst into small points of light which shoot off, chasing the birds away like tiny magic missiles. "Guess I can't just tag along for experience, can I?" She flips a few pages ahead, likely actually preparing pages with combat spells.

Yeowang's prediction is played out a bit sooner than expected. Still, it's not particularly onerous, she will hurry up to the lander and sweep the birds from the immediate area one by one with punches that send the birds tumbling away in a whirl of air. It looks a bit like shadow-boxing, she throws a punch, it's well short of the target, but a puff of air streams toward a bird, and it's sent tumbling.

    Annnnnd off goes Aki charging into a swarm of birds.
    "..."
    Akatsuki stares in silence for a good long few beats.
    That couldn't have just happened.
    But it did.
    "Okay, but why though?" She asks no one in particular as she reaches into her inventory and pulls out a scroll, which she unfurls.
    On the scroll is the kanji for 'Wind', and as soon as she activates it, a powerful gust of wind launches in a small, controlled, wave at the angry birds over the beleaguered Lander.

"Credulous and incompetent. Yeah, but at least they follow the set path, right? There shouldn't be any challenges that don't match up wit--" Lin's total lack of concern follows through into the opening stages of the quest. He wanders along the roads, sticking close to the escort target while making conversationw ith the others. Then, of course, the birds. "They're just birds. Birds! Ack-pthhbbb-ttt!" Lin flails his arms wildly, trying to disperse the birds before turning to something more effective. He pulls out his spellbook and angrily shouts a single syllable, slamming it shut. A loud thunderclap emanates from the closing book!

"Nope," says Jazz to Kita, "And it's great to see you, by the way." She combs her fingers through her hair, gesturing towards the birds with wiggling fingers only to find that, by the time she had gotten around to it, everyone else had already driven off the birds, leaving a somewhat scratched up and embaressed Aki to look a little chagrinned.

A little.

One gets the feeling it won't stop him from doing something else stupid shortly. "Who would have thought birds would be so mean?!"

With the flock dismissed, however, the group is able to progress further into a darkened, old growth forest.

"I LOVE the woods," says Aki as he blithely bounds forward passing directly by a tree covered in wicked scratch marks he completely fails to notice and trips over a root, landing in shuddering crash into thorny bushes followed by a great many entirely too loud 'ows' and 'oofs' and 'aughs' as he pulls himself free. "Don't worry! I'm okay!"

Jazz is just staring at this. She turns and looks at the others, slowly, and then back at Aki.

"I'm so sorry," she informs everyone.

Meanwhile, Aki is already back to his pathfinding. Seems it's going to be a chore to guide him through the woods succesfully without him being eaten by monsters.

There is a soft sound in the back of Kita's throat as she inclines her head towards Jazuhanzu. "Good to see you, too. I... don't get out much, these days." She takes a deep breath, letting it out again, seeming content once the birds are no longer being a menace. What she doesn't say, in such mixed company, is that the reason she doesn't get out much, is likely due to how hard Scale has been pushing the tower as of late.

Her stormy blue eyes look over to the hapless man, shaking her head. "I'll try to make sure we aren't seen, at least as much as possible..." Though, they might still be heard, if the man's bumbling around makes enough noise.

For now, she draws a spell out of her book, the dark magic lingering at her fingertips as she extends them outwards, surrounding the party in a sphere of dark magic that is meant to shield them from sight.

    Right then, birds handled. Now it's just a jaunt through some monster infested forest.
    The issue comes in the form of the fact that Aki is oblivious to the fact that this is a monster infested forest and proceeds to draw as much attention to himself as possible.
    Hey uh... Where did Akatsuki go?
    From the nearby brush there's a yelp of a monster dying and a brief flare of red pixels, before the ninja peeks out of said bush.
    "It is okay." She says to Jazz' apology. "I will scout ahead."
    Akatsuki then proceeds to scout ahead.
    And efficiently murder any monsters she comes across to clear a path for the numbskulled Lander.

So, trackless forests full of monsters are not Yeowang's area of expertise. She's a city girl, more accustomed to boardrooms than trees, and it's all she can do to even keep up with the Lander through the unsettling forest full of monsters. "We seem to bemaking good time, at least?" she says as he wanders past a den of rabid wolverines, who poke their heads up about the time Yeowang follows by, leaving her to deal with them. Punching and kicking like a whirlwind, she emerges from that little scuffle down more HP than she'd like and hurries to catch up again. So much for keeping him safe, she's got her hands full keeping herself safe.

Several thunderclaps echo off into the distance as Lin settles his spellbook back at his belt. "Birds. They have no respect." He mumbles, looking a bit unsettled by their impertinence. 'The Impertinence of Birds' does sound like a good name for something, and as Aki is running ahead into the woods, Lin gets distracted with dreams of what such a book could contain. When the Lander trips and Jazz apologises, he smiels and shrugs. "Okay, so they are a bit incompetent. It'll be fine! How hard could it possibly be? It's just babysitting." The forest gets darker and stealth seems to be the right tactic - Lin lifts his spellbook and casts a spell. He vanishes from view! "Oh no. No no no. My eyes are invisible. I can't see anything."

Jazz, of course, is the Witch of the Blackest Sea, which means conjuring enough darkness to shelter them in the benighted woods is easy enough for her.

She blots out a little of the light and proceeds to slink along. Eventually, they're able to bypass the Monster Infested Forest without attracting much more attention. In fact, the only person to have really sustained damage from the effort is Aki, who is still picking thorns out of himself as he wanders into a cave mouth. "It's right through here! It's always right through a cave."

"Wait, you *have* been on this path before, right? " asks Jazz, incredulity in her overly twee voice rising.

"Oh, sure. Lots of times," replies Aki.

"... by lots of times, you mean 'never', right Aki?"

"...okay, so I've never been here before but I'm REALLY sure it's right through this cave! Ho would never lie to me that way!"

Jazz merely groans, glances around to see if Akatsuki has reappeared, stares at Lin a moment and then gives an apologetic look to Kita and Yeowang before heading in after Aki. It's a job.

    Akatsuki has, in fact, re-appeared.
    The look on her face though... The look on her face, as Aki strolls right into the cave and thunks his head...
    The chibi ninja heaves an aggrieved sigh.
    "He has never been this way before, has he?"
    Nope. Looks like he hasn't.
    Taking to a knee, she pulls a torch and some flint out of her inventory.
    And accidentally lights the tip of her ponytail up in a small fire.
    A blushing ninja vanishes from sight instantly.

Stare. As a spellcaster, Kita just has no idea what Lin just did, but reaches out towards where he had been standing, trying to grab onto him and lead the way. "You need to be more careful with your spells..."

As they reach the edge of the forest, Kita drops the aura of darkness around them. If only because it doesn't seem necessary as they head into the cave. Instead, she just summons a small ball of flame which hovers above her hand. It doesn't offer much in the way of light, but it is at least enough to keep her from tripping over her own feet.

"I'm not wasting mana on this." She explains, and then glances over at Jazuhanzu and shrugs. "So long as we get there and don't get hopelessly lost..."

Yeowang smiles to Jazz. It is, indeed, a job. "I've had harder fights," she admits. If not so plagued with self-induced problems. Heading into the darkness of the cave, she cups her hand, and a light appears. "Well. Nice that it's working now," she says, apparently her confidence in what she thinks of as her magic powers is not very strong.

Nevertheless, she holds the light aloft like a torch and will proceed through the cave, hurrying after the Lander. He makes good time for not running, and she's jogging to keep up. "I think they picked the dumbest Lander they could find for this quest," she mumbles.

Lin's signature as a caster has always been far too much power applied with not enough precision. He fumbles about, invisible and in the dark, until catching Kita's arm. "Right. Uh. Thanks. Sometimes experimental research just doesn't work out." He mumbles sheepishly while internally trying to figure out how to fix this.

Everything's worn off by the time they get to the cave, and Lin winces sympathetically at Aki's thump. He just went through that experience. "A little light would be good." He holds a hand aloft and casts a spell - this time with some restraint. A small orb of fire perches in his palm, illuminating a small area.

"Hey! I'm not dumb!" Aki walks right into a rock because he's too busy commenting to Yeowang.

Jazz sighs, again, and proeeds to utter a few incantations, lighting up a series of lilypads in the water along the way that creates a path through alongside the illumination conjured by the others.

"...though I think I've broken my nose. Does someone have any healing magic?" he asks, as they emerge out the other side of the cave into the plains.

"This really hurts, I can't breathe," cries out Aki.

"Oh god, why did I ever agree to this?" says Jazz. Then again, she had moths flying out of her pockets. "Right. Money. Okay. Let's see that nose. Does anyone have any, you know, healing magic? I'm not a healer. Best I can get is maybe trying to remember if Pela said anything about what herbs to jam up someone's nose before trying to set it."

Aki looks alarmed about having herbs jammed up his nose.

"Uh..." Kita looks a bit uncertain as matters of healing get brought into play. She sort of motions at 'all of her'. "Black mage... healing isn't exactly something I do..."

She looks around, then starts to scroll her fingers in the air, likely looking through her inventory for something that might be of use. Eventually, she gets to the end of her inventory list and scowls. "Huh... I could have sworn I had a healing potion in here. Maybe I loaned it out to Jurou for their combat training." Or used it in a boss fight and forgot.

"Sorry. At least... it doesn't look fatal. You'll be fine." Kita is not very good at being supportive, it seems.

Yeowang sighs as the Lander walks into a rock, confirming her judgement even as he refutes it. As far as breaking his nose, she rolls her eyes. "Your nose isn't broken. I've broken noses before, that's not it." She's broken a few things in ten years of mixed martial arts, almost all of them on other people. She'll take the lander by his shouldersm then grab the tip of his nose and yank. It's probably horribly painful, but it will straighten out the cartilage that he thinks is broken. She also know a painkilling technique, but if she KOs him, they'll have to carry him, so she gets him to his feet and on his way.

    RIGHT THEN. Out of the cave and... Aki has apparently broken his nose.
    Akatsuki re-appears from stealth...
    And prods Aki very firmly in the ribs.
    "You'll live. Walk it off." She 'encourages' the Lander curtly.
    Ninja bedside manner is... Not the best. But Akatsuki is an Assassin not a Healer.
    You kind of get what you pay for here.

"I do, I can totally handle this." Lin steps forward with spellbook raised and confidence high. He's totally got some healing magic and this should be a snap. "Let's seeee..." Lin flips through pages in his spellbook and casts a spell, letting out a small stream of glowing particles that settles on Lander's nose. "Hm. Uh. Let's try..." Another spell - a beam of multicoloured healing light. Also no effect. He begins to flip through his book with a panicked expression.

"Fiiiiine," says Aki as nobody can particularly help him. Jazz looks relieved she doesn't have to shove herbs up his nose.

Finally, they've reached the shrine. It's not exactly ancient but it is abandoned and overgrown. The statuary, a woman carrying chains over her shoulder with a lowered head, causes Jazz to stop short and then say, "Ah. Of course," before shrugging her shoulders.

"We did it! You got me here! The mission is over! Now I can make the offering!"

He immediately shows he has learned nothing by bounding forward, only skidding to a halt when he finds himself intercepted by hooded beings who've emerge dfrom the shadows around and behind the statue, as of course they did.

"Oh no," says Aki, "ho wasn't lying about the hags!"

"Didn't you say Ho would never lie to you?"

"He would definitely lie about their being hags."

"THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, AKI," says Jazz.

The fact that there are monsters at the end of the quest isn't really any surprise to someone who has done a few of these sort of missions. "Of course they lied."

Kita sighs to herself, "This is why I saved mana." She draws out a spell from her book, magic flickering at her fingertips. "I'll try to keep us all defended while the rest work on damage."

It seems that though she may be a black mage, Kita seems to be acting more in a support role at the moment.

Well, this looks like an actual fight, Yeowang considers. It's the one thing she's confident of, in this strange online game, and she leaps into the fray fearlessly. Relying on Kita for protection, she goes all out, punches and kicks, whirling around, striking with telling blows, her unarmed combat style deadly when it's just about HP. She's never killed anyone in real life, though there were a few people who took a brutal pounding before they couldn't get up again. But here, it's a few punches and kicks for most monsters, and they crumple and evaporate in a cloud of pixels. The bosses take more effort, but she's got stamina for weeks.

"We're here! Finally!" Lin looks incredibly relieved. But, of course, this is where the actual combat challenge for the quest shows up. If course it is. Lin's healing failure is put behind him when the fight picks up. "I preferred the birds! Birds understand a hint!" Birds don't understands hints. Lin is wrong again, but when it comes to setting up a defense for the adventuring party he does fairly well. A stream of rainbow light leaps from his hands and spins itself into a shimmering barrier.

    If Aki didn't get up and walk it off, Akatsuki likely would have kept on jabbing the poor Lander in the ribs until he did.
    But it is a moot point as they continue the journey.
    And then come the hags.
    No sooner than Kita and Lin provide defense, the ninja disappears from sight.
    Only to appear behind one of the Hags, kodachi flashing in her hand--

    "Assassinate!"

    It is a simple, lethal, declaration of deadly intent as her DPS spikes immensely in one single, murderous, blow.

Jazz is annoyed. Deeply.

"I am doing this for money. And you are in my way." She marches up towards one of the hags, using her bubbles of water to defend herself from their magical blasts before she whips out a...

... a feather duster? A purple feather duster? She blasts the hag square in the middle with it and then, for good measure, KICKS THEM IN THE SHIN.

"GET OUT OF HERE! GO! This is a shrine to the Beautiful One or whatever and I am going to KEEP KICKING YOU." She blasts the hag a second time, kicks it in the shin again. It doesn't really do much damage, but honestly, with the damage being done by the rest of them (to say nothing of the instant-death caused by Akatsuki) the remaining hags are simply deciding messing with one Lander isn't worth dying to several adventurers.

Jazz sighs.

"Aki, what did we learn today?"

"Hire more adventurers. You guys are great!"