What Screams May Come

The headquarters of the Royal Society for the Appreciation and Study of Gelatinous Creatures have never been so clean. I mean, despite the inherent mess that dealing with slimes is, and her scatterbrained nature, Uta has always been surprisingly organized, clean and neat about her work (even for Japanese standards). But today the place goes even beyond those standards: the tatami are spotless, the wooden tables glisten, the glass enclosures spotless, and the metal cabinets are so polished... let's just say that Uta has been raving about the Girl from the Menu more often than usual, of late.

It may be due to the previously unseen kinds of slimes that are roaming the floor: with the texture of a cleaning cloth, they are slithering their way across the floor, remving any impurity they may encounter on their surface. Uta is tracking them closely, and scribbling down notes on a few experimental observation sheets kept together in her clipboard.

"I see Setsuna has more competition for Employee of the Month."

As usual there's little warning that Kauchemar has returned to the Ranch and made her way over to the Slime Lab, until she's actually right there standing behind Uta and probably disrupting her note taking when she suddenly speaks. "At least they're already primed so you don't have to worry about them turning into something else from the garbage they eat."

Uta shrieks. Her pencil flies off in the air, turns to look with eyes that almost pop out of her sockets, and when she realizes what happened, one hand darts to her heart. "...Kauch, you scared me there," she pants, as if that needed explaining. She takes a few seconds to catch her breath (she even materializes her red, squishy stress ball to help with the process), and continues, "...did you want to give me a stroke? I mean- I guess a stroke wouldn't be /as/ bad for an Adventurer, we respawn and all... now, if I were a Lander..." She trails off. And then she taps her lips with the pencil she no loger has, and nobody is quite sure where it landed (but there is a suspicious graphite slime in an open-top glass tank off in a corner...)

"I've never really thought about it," Uta says. "What do landers believe happens to them after they die?"

"No." Kauchemar leans down a little to rub her hand on Uta's head. "NOW I gave you a stroke." Terrible puns dealt she stands back up and shrugs a bit. "I honestly don't really know, Uta. I was getting enough odd looks, even for me, asking around about that funeral hymn that I didn't hang around to ask any specific questions on the matter."

Uta gives Kauchemar a gruff look as her head is rubbed, but a groan is the only worst consequence Kauchemar has to deal with. Uta runs her own hand on her own head to straighten her hair, and continues, "It might be worth investigating, I guess. Maybe start with some bibliographical research. Or investigate oral tradition /outside/ funerals." She turns to Kauchemar with a hint of shock in her look. "I mean... this is your whole schtick! Hanging around in cemeteries and having this death-related vibe! I would gather it's important research?" She looks up and away. "Might help shed some light on that song from the funeral, yeah..." She shakes her head. "Anyway, uh, you wanted to ask me something?"

"In this case, the two aren't always connected," Kauchemar replies. "Remember, Landers don't leave corpses when they die. That's why they have the memorials and oral traditions in the first place. Cemeteries seem to exist more as an environment, or dungeon, for Undead and Spirit monsters to locate in. Landers only become Undead from direct corruption... and that's more Setsuna's wheelhouse, honestly." She gives it a dismissive wave of one hand. "I mainly use the undead because they're something people and even other monsters -fear-."

There's a pause, and then Kauchemar reaches into her inventory. "Not so much ask, as give you something more to query. Turns out slimes were oppritunist enough to amasse in the Mac Anu sewers after the Goblins were driven out. We found a rather interesting specimen." She finally flicks her fingers, holding up a broken talon that still has some smears of slime on it. "Rizadoman was kind of upset to see some of his 'ancestors' had become slime food, or something. But that dragon-like slime could actually fly, unlike you're attempt, which did get me a little curious."

Uta makes a face. The kind of furious, livid face one makes at feeling like an idiot for having missed something obvious. "THAT WAS MY FIRST HUNTER'S GUILD DUTY!", she squeals, fingers curled, as if for strangling someone. Her hands shake, and whatever strangling instincts she had get discharged on the stress ball. "HOW COULD I FORGET THAT?! I EVEN WROTE IT DOWN IN THE ENCYCLOPEDIA!" She paces around the lab, with a worrying breathing pattern.

"Ok, ok, I'm calm, I'm calm...", she says, sounding not calm at all. "...I just have to NOT THINK ABOUT IT and instead focus on other things like PLANNING TO CAPTURE ONE and- wait, no, wait, first!" She turns to Kauchemar. "Kauch, I've heard that Plant Duck was working on a printing press? I'm interested in publishing my Encyclopedia of slimes. I don't think there'll be much market, so I might try a small-ish run at first, but I was wondering what facilities are available in that regard."

And through all of this Kauchemar just... raises a brow at the moment of somewhat un-Uta-like ranting and pacing. She was going to make a joke or two about the circumstances causing differences to prode the slimeologist into further developedment, but she did not expect it to get -that- strong of a reaction.

It kind of spoils the fun, so with a nostril flaring sigh she flicks the talon back into her inventory. "Okay, easy there girl. Even the greatest of scientists make mistakes. Einstein said nuclear power would be impossible to harness, you know." Point made, she settles back into one of her usual postures of leaning against a wall (after making sure it wasn't any delicate lab equipment) and folding her arms. "You might want to talk to Proteus then, I'm not entirely sure what the state of affairs with that is. I was only peripherally involved in the matter. It may be niche reading... but it's research withOUT having to go through the Mage Tower. At the very least you can put copies in the cross-alliance libraries."

"Oh, the Tower of Mages is interested in buying my book," Uta mentions casually. "I went over to them to research the page, and one thing led to another... it was very confusing, but I know that by the time I left, I had pre-sold them a copy of my Encyclopedia of Slimes."

She scratches her head. "...Does...does that make me a door-to-door Encyclopedia salesperson?"

Kauchemar whistles. "You really must of done good if THEY want to see it." Or most of them don't regard Slimes as enough to research? Could be either. Could be both. She unfolds one arm to lift a hand and thoughtfully cusp her chin. "Then again they do like to get Adventurers to do 'field research' for them almost as much as the Hunter's Guild, so maybe it's not such a surprise." Then snickers. "Well, sell them some of your cleaning slimes and you can be a door to door vacuum saleswoman too."

"Well, the main reason why I went to the Tower of Mages was to research the book I found a page for," Uta explains with a shrug. "Akumeiji didn't recognize it, but thought it was from the Monster Manual they've been working on for a long time, and offered to buy that back... so, I figured, if they wanted that page, it means they A) their information about slimes might be lacking, and B) they might be interested in such information, information which happened to be available in the Encyclopedia I wrote." She taps her chin. "Makes me wonder if they've somehow misplaced or lost their Monster MAnual... I mean, they're very secretive, but they're probably only iman. They might make mistakes every now and then."

Kauchemar rubs her chin some more. "Or they've lost a previous version and they're recompiling it. Which would explain why they need so much work done but they're so secretive about how much they let others know."

Uta looks up from her clipboard and blinks at Kauchemar. "They need so much work done? What do you mean with that?"

"It's not uncommon to find jobs posted through the Hunter's Guild by the Mage Tower to send Adventurers after something dangerous. Or their Archmage has hired Adventurers for protection on a venture." She shrugs her shoulders. "But that's all just wild speculation and conspiracy because they are so secretive."