Duty Session 376: A Clucking Disaster

Uta is just passing by on her way from the Slime Labs to, conceivably, some bigger city. Once again, she has bags under her eyes and a <<Filth>> status effect. "I need permits. I think. Maybe? If not, must make sure I don't. Should check with official," she mumbles to herself, somehow hitting a pitch on the chromatic scale with each syllable.

At one point, she passes in front of an isolated farm, and... it is obvious, even from a distance, that something has gone very wrong on this particular farm. Many of the gates are open, with farm hands running everywhere chasing after wayward Clucks. Feathers are strewn everywhere and the birds have found plenty of unusual places to roost around the barnyard.

A harried looking farmer rushes up towards the Spriggan (and the other Adventurers if they happen to be around), showing some expression of relief for finding people willing to help. "Oh thank you, thank you!" He approaches, feathers sticking out of his hair in all directions. "I don't know what is going on with them, but they broke out of their coops last night and there seem to be more of them than we had before. Where are they all coming from?"

He looks back towards the mess that has been made of the farm. "Please, do what you can. I'll make it worth your effort."

    "This guy seems pretty eggsasperated." Fukaziroh notes encouragingly. Looking after her friend is important to her, at least while she hasn't yet begun her own long task, and really no great burden. But in addition to keeping Uta fed and relatively clean, she has to look after her friend's mental health and part of that is fun recreation. Which might involve random quests, murder, or the occasional act of sheer mischief. Probably not actual murder though. Probably.

    "What do you think, Uta?" Fuka asks solicitously. "We should help this poor guy out. His wits look scrambled. He's clearly gone through shell."

Goldenblade has, with some amusement, taken to following Uta around and occasionally putting food into her hands or dumping water over her. The appearance of the filth flag triggers her to dump a bucket of soapy water over Uta, once any papers are clear, and the process begins again. She's not even sure Uta notices sometimes. If she does notice, Goldenblade just tells her, 'Scrub,' like she would tell a three-year old in the tub learning to bathe.

    Merek walks along with the party, taking his time to relax while he nods a bit to Uta, "Alright. What if these chickens are the ones which came from the... You know, that thing," he will note. Then he nods a bit to Uta.

Uta, by now, has been conditioned to scrub on autopilot as soon as soapy water is dumped on her, without even thinking. And to trigger the menu bathing option, if it applies. Or both.

"We don't have time, Fukaziroh, we must-"

Uta stops.

"...a perfect triad. Those cluck-clucks have just emitted a perfect triad. A cluck-cluck choir? I must investigate whether that was an accident or there's something to it," she says, and without adding a word, or looking at anyone in the eyes, darts straight for the farm.

Just as the Adventurers seem about to jump into the fray, a young boy comes running up, obviously winded. He has scratch marks across his cheeks and hands from trying to grab at the wayward Clucks. He sniffles and wipes a hand across his nose. "Papa, I got the ones out of the house, but there's still a bunch hiding in the barn."

The Lander rubs at his head, looking frazzled. "These little Clucks are really good at hiding. Can you head to the barn and try to find them?" In the end, it is the boy that leads them. The barn has been closed up, likely to prevent more Clucks from getting inside. He lifts a heavy bar from across the door and allows the Adventurers inside.

"You'll have to look all over. They get into the rafters, the lofts, the hay. We even found one roosting on one of the lanterns." They are let in to a barn that has obviously been overrun at some point. Feathers stick out of everywhere, making it hard to tell what is a Cluck and what may simply be signs left from their passing. Their sound effects are omnipresent, which means Were Fangs might be able to use their senses to find and root out the birds, but everyone else will be left playing a very annoying game of 'hide and seek'.

As Uta rummages through the hay, she asides to Merek, "You mean... The Thing Before the Apocalypse?"

    Fuka's not entirely sure what a perfect triad is, but she's grateful for the cluck-clucks for emitting one. "Yes, we must investigate!" she encourages with a manic grin. "No one can accuse us of being chicken!"

    She goes over to the lander boy, ruffing his hair as if he was a large dim dog. "We'll find them all. We're good at this sort of thing!" she exclaims, watching as Uta manages to stumble around listening rather than looking. "Probably." she adds, before starting her own search. Something she's at least reasonably decent at, fortunately!

Goldenblade nods as Uta scrubs herself and peers at the boy as he comes out. "Yes, we'll help," she says, and Uta has already found her motivation. She says, "The three chickens are in the barn, we have to find them," and will lead her there if she needs. Sadly, clucks are better at hiding than she is at searching, or else the easily found ones have alredy been found.

    Merek will nod a little bit to Uta, while he takes the time to search about, "Well, ya. What if they all stayed, we don't know. I wouldn't want to face the immortal chickens. That all said, well." Watching the place, he will walk with the party.

Uta... just does not seem interested in actually removing clucks from the barn. She finds them, listens to them, goes 'nope', and leaves them exactly where they are, possibly covering them with hay again.

Not many Clucks are found, but those which are are dismissed from the barn; they seem to join the growing flock that has taken over the farm yard instead. The young, Lander boy closes up the barn behind them, making sure it is sealed tight before turning to the group. "Okay, now... if you could help me round them up? They all need to go into that pen over there." He motions to a large enclosure, where other farm hands seem to be trying to gather them together. "We're trying to get them all in there, but somehow, they keep escaping." Maybe someone who knows a bit about building structures could find a flaw that needs fixing.

He starts off, grabbing for one of the Clucks and then wrangling it into the pen. It's not a very skilled demonstration. No wonder the boy has scratches all over him. This is a ClusterCluck.

    Merek will take the time to begin assisting with bringing the chickens along, while he uses a bit of feed to make a lure and nods a bit along.

Goldenblade has exactly the right skill for this, actually, and she strides /into/ the enclosure, possibly to the party's surprise, definitely to the Landers' surprise, and drops into a stance. She stomps a foot, and a shockwave goes through the ground, metaphorically perhaps, and suddenly a bunch of cluck-clucks want a shot at her. They rush in after her, into the enclosure as well, and while it's a fairly simple matter to stay ahead of the pecking, they do seem to want to come after her. Way to tank that one!

    Fortunately Fuka keeps an eye on Uta and visits her cluck-clucks when she finds and reburies them, or they'd have been stuck in the barn looking for a long time. Wrangling Uta is a lot like wrangling cluck-clucks.

    Once outside, Fuka nods encouragingly as the boy explains their next task. Round up the little bastards, stick them in the pen. Or encourage them to go into the pen! "Hey kiddo, why don't you get some ... some corn or something? What do cluck clucks eat? Pour it out for them in the pen, so they WANT to go in there! That'll be half our work done for us!" she suggests. Anyone else want to negotiate? "It'd be really hendy!"

Uta, meanwhile, seems to have sit in the middle of a pen. "...and you agree not to come storming the Conservatory once it's built. Deal? Deal. Now sign here," she says, pushing a piece of paper towards a flock of Cluck-Clucks. The animals, curiously calm, tilt their heads sideways, and quietly observe the Spriggan. It's unclear if they actually understand her (probably not), or they're just soothed by her slow movements and calm voice, but what is important, they don't really move. Easy to catch and relocate.

With most of the Clucks wrangled into their pen (or at least as many as the Adventurers can manage), there is a sigh of relief throughout the farm yard. Things are still an absolute mess, but they seem... quieter. Almost a little too quiet. (Other than the constant sound of Clucks.)

The boy approaches them, wearing a few new scratches on his face for his efforts, looking as if he might finally let himself relax for a moment. "Thank you so much for all the help." There is something in his expression that suggests he is about to ask for more of it, though.

"So, we need to calm them down so they don't keep trying to escape. You see, papa used to play the music all the time, so they kind of like dancing. Maybe if they think things are back to normal, they'll go back into their coops and not be so much of a problem." He looks at them with pleading eyes. "It's... probably stupid but... please?"

He then proceeds to take them through the most embarrassing, wing-flapping, Clucking dance that any Adventurer has ever been asked to perform...

    Merek will take a flute from the pack with him, then he brings that to his mouth while he begins to play music for the chickens while he follows along with them. Watch the way that he does that, wow. The chicken man all dancing.

    Fukaziroh is a great dancer! No really, she flails about like she's inspired... she's a dancing fool! But she does have a pretty good sense of rhythm, and puts voice to the beat and the music. Her lyrics are quite probably risque and mostly nonsense, but it *sounds* like song at least and probably counts just fine as far as the cluck-clucks go. Also it's amusing, and that's the most important thing right?

Goldenblade peers skeptically at the boy, and asks, "Are you entirely serious?" But he is, and she sighs, "If I ever felt this game is for children, this is why." And she will halfheartedly attempt this chicken dance. There is not a lot of heart in it, though, and she grumbles her way through it poorly. The clucks do not seem to care, which confirms her opinion that this whole thing is childish.

"Wait, does this mean that the Clucking Dance is known to the Landers? Hmm. Is it a new thing? Or... could it be one of the Fourty-Two songs? Hmmm. HMMM. This -definitely- warrants attention!"

Her focus on the kid is unwavering. She takes in the minutest of movements with the utmost attention, and once she feels confident enough-

She taps her menu, and her outfit shimmers away, replaced by a tutu.

She launches into an operatic vocalization of the Clucking Dance, augmenting it with pirouettes, sissonnes, rounds de jambe, arabesques, fouettes en tournant. She's pretty much re-imagining it as a ballet out of Tchaikovski's Swan Lake. And taking it very seriously.

After what is likely an embarrassing display by both the farm hands and Adventurers, things seem to calm down around the farm. The Clucks are back in their pen, and all that seems left to do is clean up after the mess.

"I hate to ask more of you, but... we could really use the help." The boy looks a little uncertain, as if he doesn't talk to Adventurers very often. "Some of the fences need repairs. The buildings are trashed. Some of them even managed to get into the farmland and dig up some of the seeds we just planted."

He motions at the Clucks, "I'll keep an eye on them and make sure they don't get any more stirred up, but see what you can do to help the other farm hands, okay?"

    Merek will assist with working to repair the place, while he nods a bit to the party, "I like it, it's all a little relaxing, I will admit."

Goldenblade peers skeptically as Uta reimagines Cluck Lake. But there's still things that need doing, and fixing fences are a thing she can do. Hammers, nails, and a sort of helmet-mounted hologram-like thing that allows her to analyze and plan out the task down to quite a fine level of detail. Much better than she could do in real life, though it confirms her opinion of drafters as slackers. The actual fence repair is easy, though, after the exhaustive planning.

    "It's fun!" Fukaziroh cheerfully claims, agreeing with Merek while she gently chides Goldenblade who seems to be not so much in the spirit of things. Uta is, well, Uta. Hopefully she's having fun, and if not, at least Fuka is. Enough fun that she totally clucks up in fact, but who needs actual competence when it comes to farming? That's what Landers are for right?

Uta ballets and vocalizes her way to the chickens, much like Merek did with the flute not long ago. And through her lyrical flourishes and terpsichorean evolution, she lures them away from the crops -- also tiptoing new holes for planting seeds on her way back.

Everything is quiet. With the help of the Adventurers things seem to be getting back to normal. Alas, this peace isn't likely to last, not with the cause of the problem still at large.

From a distance away, there is a sound that almost... almost sounds like the usual Cluck sound effect. Except it seems louder and more demanding. The birds in their pen begin to shift uncomfortably, seeming unnerved by the sound. It grows that much louder as a shadow passes over the farm.

Landing on top of the barn roof, an absolutely huge, Dire Cluck caws, flapping massive wings and sending out torrents of air around it. This sends the Clucks in their pens into a frenzy, trying desperately to escape. The farm workers also scatter, afraid of the monster.

Uta looks up as the gigantic shadow obscures the sun in the area around her, like some giant aircraft; she shields her eyes, and once she takes in the enormity that has just appeared-

"Holy cripes. This is the ultimate Cluck foe It's like some sort of..."

She flicks her menu, and her staff shimmers into existence in her clutching hands. "...Cluck Norris." She grins, lowers her stance, and gives her staff a couple of spins. Mostly to show off, probably. Or to intimidate the enemy. She grins, and says, qietly, "Bring it on."

    "Cluck Norris? OH CLUCK!" Fuka gasps, secretly tickled pink that Uta's actually into it enough to make the joke despite her distraction. "Time for yakitori!" she yells, lunging forward with her axe out to split the giant clucker lengthwise.

    Fortunately she realizes she's wielding an axe rather than a spear, and Fuka manages to bring the weapon around to lay into the boss in a mostly-appropriate manner. "WHO WANTS A BARBEQUE?!" - Mostly.

    Merek will take the time to make a potion, then he throws that into the chicken. It doesn't do a lot, all the same the man will assist.

Goldenblade is ready for the dire cluck, Cluck Norris. Or whatever it's called, she doesn;t look closely. It doesn't see her, either, she's vanished from perception for the moment, though she hasn't left, she's still on the party list. The fight proceeds without her involvement for a moment, enough to entirely capture the dire cluck's arrention, and then BAM, she strikes from nowhere, blades transfixing the cluck as its HP drain away.

Uta's movements are hard to see. She zips so fast she appears to teleport to different spots of the yard. She staays there one or two seconds, sings a quick jingle, shoots beams of energy at the cluck, and zips away again.

At one point, Uta's stomach grumbles so loudly that she scatters a bunch of previously rounded up chickens. "...I think I want barbecue..."

The massive Dire Cluck is no simple monster, but it is also nowhere near the difficulty of many bosses that the Adventurers have faced in the past. Working together, it is relatively easy to take huge chunks of the monster's health. In a matter of only a few minutes, the monster is no more, scattering into pixels of light and leaving behind what looks to be a meat drop that is absolutely massive. There is easily enough for everyone to be able to take a share and make a Clucking good dinner.

Unfortunately, in the aftermath of the fighting... the other Clucks have escaped again. Leaving the place just as much of a mess as when they started...