Duty Session 380: A Clucking Disaster

Things have gone very wrong on one of the local farms. With the start of the Bun-Bun Festival, the Clucks have also started to act out. They are causing trouble all around the farm. The owners are looking for capable adventurers who might be able to help them with their big Clucking problem.

OOC: This quest is only available during the Bun-Bun Festival. This quest is a mix of combat and non-combat concepts.

Difficulty:    Easy
Rec. Party:    3+
Rewards:       1
World Rewards: None

"It must be a thing with this time of year, with farms having animal issues." Kauchemar looks from the gathering group to the notice she picked up from the Hunter's Guild, because they like making sure their tasks get passed on to Messengers to make sure the word gets out. Looks at the farm that's already in total disarray. Looks at the notice again.

At about the same time as the Farmer tromps up, singing praises about their arrival to deal with the problem of erratic Cluck activitie.

"Clucks flying the coop, huh?" She looks at the notice one more time, then shrugs as she tosses it. "Well at least it's not Bun-Buns." We've had enough dealing with Bun-Buns to last the next five years. "Hopefully the reward is more than chicken scratch." She's already starting with the puns, too.

    Between spying on people and other various ninja related activites, Akatsuki has managed to find herself some free time.
    This is why the Assassin kind of suddenly appears in Kauchemar's vicinity.
    She opens her mouth to speak.
    Kauchemar leaps into a pun.
    Whatever Akatsuki had to say dies on her tongue as she just stares.

Schneider has arrives at the farm, having gotten word that they need adventurer help. This time of year, it's certainly bunbuns, who will be roasting on an open fire, by the time he's done, but no, it turns out to be something else entirely. "Clucks?" he asks. "Well, fireball works on them, too. And baked chicken is tasty." That's as far as the Exploder Wizard thinks about it.

Prophylaxis has certainly had enough Bun-Buns, and he's /technically/ supposed to be one! Or at least, a cait sith of a Bun-Bun. Thankfully, he hasn't fallen prey to any of his bestial impulses, unlike some other people he knows, and instead stands against the Bun-Bun hordes, and not alongside them as part of their collective.

But that is not this. This is cluck-clucks.

"I hope everyone brought their seasonings," the doctor chimes, despite having absolutely Z E R O cooking skill in-game. "I feel like having Yamato Fried Chicken tonight."

    Rizadoman gathers with the group as he looks around the farm. "Perhaps we should look at this not as something we are doing for a reward but to simply help those who are in need, " The lizardman comments in regard to the comment of tthe reward. Looking around at the farm there is a moment of recognition, " Farmers are some of the most noble warriors you know, they constantly must fightt head on with time in ways no one else must."

Kauchemar rolls her eyes when Rizadoman puts an alturistic spin on it. "Maybe. But I can't use that line for charity." She cracks her knuckles. "Now let's get these living featherdusters back in thei--" And that's when the Lander boy comes barging in, complaining about several of the Clucks having taken up hiding in the barn. Well, they can't burn the entire barn down. At least not intentionally. "--Okay, I guess we need to clear those out first. Call it a loft-y ambition."

The group is lead to the barn, and the disarray of straw and feathers within. Kauchemar strides in with her usual offbeat demeanor, trying to take advantage of her stronger monster senses in this twisted game of hide and seek. "Here clucky clucky clucky. Time to come and get flocked up.~"

Schneider listens as the problem is described, and we're led to the barn. "It's just a matter of finding them, right?" he asks, reaching down into the straw at his feet and yoinking one up. He proceeds to go through the barn and occasionally, here and there, grabs another cluck out of hiding. It's a slow process, but it's a cluck-rich environment.

    Rizadoman follows into the barn and looks about as he nods his head, " I am sure we can find them for you kid, don't worry." Taking a deep breath his monster seneses kick in and the smell, the smell. His eyes water and moment later he shakes his head as he walks out of the barn, stopping to look at the doctor. " I leave this to you." With that he retreats to fresh air.

    Akatsuki begings searching for clucks.
    Into the barn it is, then!
    LEaping up to the rafters to search up above, she...
    Finds no clucks.
    "Nothing up here."
    A cluck she does not notice, perches gently atop her head while another peeks over her shoulder.
    She looks behind herself.
    They skitter around to her front as she does.

"God, you people," Prophylaxis sighs, shaking his head as he slips a pouch-like mask over his nose and mouth. It smells vaguely of no fewer than 11 herbs and spices. "It's like you've never had to deal with filth-covered rooms before."

The doctor wanders into the henhouse, before promptly scattering a handful of grain onto the ground and... waiting.

Soon, there are hungry little clucks drawing near, ready to be ushered outside...!

"Gah!" Just as she's trying to inhale and pick up a scent Kauchemar has a Cluck jump right in her face, getting feathers in her mouth and nostrils. Cue a fit of coughing and wheezing before she finally stumbles out of the barn and grabs the bird off her head. "Why you little--" Then she remembers kids are around and keeps herself from strangling the dumb bird. Though despite the awkward efforts of the Adventurers they seem to have more scared the Clucks out of the barn than catch them, but what works works, right? "Okay, fine. We do this my way."

This is where she pulls out her lute, and starts strumming on the instrument, trying to produce the right combination of sound and rhythmn that'll just pied piper the Clucks into the waiting pen. "Last one in is chicken nuggets."

Schneider has found quite a few clucks, but as far as rounding them up and getting them somewhere, that's not really his thing, it seems. "Are you sure you don't just want them all barbecued here and now?" he asks. "Cause that'd be pretty easy. I could incinerate them ... no?" He sighs, and will try to chivvy them into the pen, but they don't seem to care what he wants, even when he threatens them with incineration. Well, maybe they don't speak Japanese?

You'd think that Prophy would have picked up a thing or two about woodworking and construction when he helped put Tolbana back together.

You would be wrong.

"Nope," the doctor says, a plank he'd tried to wedge back into place falling uselessly to his feet. "Damnit, I'm a doctor, not a carpenter! Ugh... Let's try that one again..."

(It's not gonna get much better for him)

    Rizadoman looks at all the clucks out in the farm yard, the lack of order and all the clucking around. So much disorder before him. Taking a step forward the lizardman begins to negotiate the only way such animals would know. Through the laws of nature. If food appears eat it, if a predator appears run, if the presence of a naga was to show, stop moving and hope it doesn't see you. So Rizadoman embraces that as his scales shift to their dragon form and he looks at the clucks with a glare. He follows it with a roar and sends many clucks scurrying into there new pen. As he shifts back to his lizard form he shrugs, "Sometimes negotations are as simple as who can eat the other."

    "We are not barbecuing them." Akatsuki says to Schneider. "Yet."
    That can be saved for later, several Clucks chirruping quielty from where she holds them in her arms. The tiny ninja takes to a knee, places her free hand on the ground and...
    Wrangles even more by casting Thorn Bind Hostage to make various vines entangle the critters for her and the others to gather up.

Well that went better than trying to find them in the barn did at least. Kauchemar dusts her hands off. "Okay, so what's next?"

Cue the kid bringing up the goofy dance and music. The nightmare tilts her head... Oh well, sometimes being a Bard means playing the dumb and rediculous on the requested needs of others. And seeing her music already seemed to work once.

She picks her lute back up and settles in. "A one and a two and a cockadoodle doo~" Then starts to play along with the peculiar dance ritual. She's not dancing herself but she is swaying with the beat, and swishing her tail in a mezmerizing fashion...

Schneider nods glumly to Akatsuki. He's starting to get hungry, though, and he's sort of looking forward to a Big Chicken Dinner now. But they're being taught the chicken dance, and he will try to get it down. The steps are just a smidgen more complicated than he can actually do, and he keeps putting his foot in the wrong place, which ends up causing him to stumble and almost fall before he manages a clumsy recovery.

They need to... dance? Really? And it's /that/ dance? Prophylaxis squints hard, then sighs and summons something to hand. It's-- it's a flask.

...A flask of what smells distinctly like extra-strength bourbon.

"I'm not drunk enough for this. Yet." says the man who has attended his share of western weddings in his time, moments before taking a few big gulps of booze.

And then... it's boogie fever, baby. (Chicken style.)

    They... They have to dance?
    Akatsuki looks nonplussed for a moment...
    She flaps her arms once... Takes one step... And then...
    She realizes how stupid this looks and she does NOT have to put up with this!
    A blushing ninja *immediately* vanishes from sight.

    Rizadoman looks at the dance and watches it carefully. " Oh it's a ritual of the farmers. Ok, I can support this. " Without another moment the large 7 footish lizardman begins to follow along as the boy leads him in tthe dance as if it is the most natural tthing. Soon he is no longer following but has synced with the kid's actions just fine.

No one is going to deny that the song and dance routine is rediculous. Yet no one can deny that it also works a lot better than it should be.

"Thank you, thank you." Kauchemar puts her lute away afterwards. "But no encores. -Please-." Despite her own antics she's got some limits.

Besides now it's time for the blantantly obvious 'fix up the mess made' step of the Duty. Kauchemar immeadiately glares a stink eye at the farmhands. "Anyone tries to hitch me to a plow and they'll get bucked six ways to Sunday."

That said, there's not a whole lot else she can do, but seeing as she already did a big part in getting the birds cooped up and calmed, no one can really complain.

Schneider has no idea what any of these tasks are, but he'll have a go at trying to ... what was it? You need something done at a forge? He will step up, then, pump the bellows, and heat up an iron ingot. Soon enough, he's got something vaguely U-shaped. "It was a horseshoe you needed, right?" he asks. Farmers need those all the time, right? Though he eyes Kauchemat guiltily. He's not even sure if she wears them, or if she goes barefoot. Barehoof. "Oh, you needed a plowblade?" he looks at the misshapen horseshoe. "This probably won't help, then?"

    So with the Clucks handled it's time to fix up the farm. Akatsuki eyes a broken segment of fence and picks up a hammer and some nails. She attempts to fix the fence!
    And only succeeds in breaking it some more.
    Once again a blushing ninja vanishes entirely from sight.

The doctor... is not a farmer. He has not done anything remotely close to farm work, either in real life or in the world of the game. But given the state of the rest of his team, it looks like he's going to have to pull out all the stops this time around...!

"Uh, I'll try?" He says, before staggering out toward the field, where he promptly... falls over and begins whispering to the ground.

...Maybe he had too much to drink...?

But then he promptly shoots upright and shouts, "I need a hoe and a bunch of manure, we can still salvage this! The corn has spoken and I have listened!!"


...he's probably had too much to drink

izadoman looks out at the mess and nods his head as he begins to quite literally get his hands dirty. All he has to do is dig straigh lines, and obviously his hands would do better then any tool. However moments before he starts to work in the field he gets a better idea. He begins to pray to the ancestors of the land to bless the field instead. Standing up he looks about, no farming was done but at least the land was blessed.

You have two Scales, a fanciful Bard, and a Ninja..... yeah, despite various efforts those repair chores aren't going to get done to their best capacity. But what do you expect out of Adventurers, who are better and beating up monsters and solving weird problems than doing practical work.

Most of the Party is probably glad for the Inevitable Duty Boss Battle to interrupt the effort, as a shadow looms over the farm when a giant monsterous Cluck lands atop the barn with a roaring crow. "Well, that explains at what keeps riling up this clucking madness."

The Nightmare does what she does, and summons several ghostly figures that she sends after the giant avian with their accursed auras. "I cast a pox upon thee!"

Dramatic pause. Oh no, she isn't...

"A CHICKEN POX" Yep she did.

Schneider actually breathes a sigh of relief when a huge monster shows up. "Finally!" he says wearily, and begins chanting darkly. Something bad is about to happen. Very bad.

"Kaizard, aruzard, kisk! Hansay Glossik! Unleash total destruction!" he chants. "Sage of Hades use the seven keys to open the gates of Hell!" He is not specific about who this Sage of Hades might be, or why Hell has seven keys.


This triggers the unholy inferno of destruction that envelops the Dire Cluck. This one's going to be Extra Crispy.

    Rizadoman looks at the dire cluck with a grin as he steps forward and draws his shield as it breaks apart into his twin blades. Taking a moment he points his blade at the monster before he charges in performing multiple slashes over and over , weaving in and out of the monsters attack. As he steps away the slash marks light on fire, begining to cook the chicken. " Your influence here is no longer needed."

"Ah," Prophylaxis says, vapidly, as a pair of great wings cast him (and the farmland) in shadow. "That is an absolutely enormous cock."

The doctor abruptly bursts into flame, then. Not because of divine retribution or anything-- but because that's just what this particular spell does. He extends a hand toward the massive clucker and disgorges an absolutely enormous wave of all-consuming flame.

They're going to have their fried chicken tonight, he's certain of it...!

    So about Akatsuki...
    Where did she go?
    This is a good question and the honest answer is... It's not going to get answered after having to do an embarassing dance and wrecking the fence like that, the ninja is just about done here as the giant Dire Cluck makes its appearance... And Schneider and the doctor cooks it.
    Akatsuki comes out of freaking nowhere, kodachi held reverse-grip in her hand.

    "ASSASSINATE!" She declares.

    There's a flash of light. For a moment Akatsuki and the Dire Cluck are dark silhouettes against the bright white background.
    Akatsuki sheathes her blade with a *click*...
    And in the next instant the Dire Cluck is neatly carved and ready for feasting.

They may of been terrible at chores but you put a monster in front of a bunch of seasoned Adventurers and it's going to go poorly.

For the monster.

"Well, there's your roast chicken." Kauchemar's quip is cut short by the chorus of buk buk bukawing as Clucks start popping out of the hastily placed boards on the pen that were knocked loose by the airbursts from the Dire Cluck's wings.

Kauchemar raises a finger.... and proptly turns on a heel to stride quickly in the other direction before they can get wrangled into more flocking work. "And that is my cue to Chicken Boo on out."

Schneider is right on Kauchemar's heels. If nightmares have heels. He may be right on her hooves. Because he's not getting stuck with more farmwork, either! "Call me next time you need something burned," he shouts as he legs it down the road.

    Rizadoman approaches the farmer and his son, giving a bow. " I apologize for the damages , please allow me and my friends to stick around and continue to help with repairs. " Yes that is right, he volunteered everyone else to stick around and do more repairs. He is such a nice lizardman.